Casual Affair

His lips thinned. “Well, maybe I needed to think, too.”

Pain pierced her heart again. Was him needing to think a good or a bad thing? “About what?” she made herself ask.

He stared at the cars driving by for several moments before answering. Then he looked back up at her. “You said some things that night that no one had ever brought to my attention before,” he said in a quiet voice. “Or maybe I just never paid attention before. I suppose I just needed to reflect and get some things squared away in my head. Figure out where I want to go from here.”

Oh, shit. That sounded…scary. And final.

She swallowed the giant lump that had settled in her throat. “And did you?”

She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

“I did. It’s the reason I’m standing here now.” His eyes were dark and intent, pinning her in place. “But none of it matters if you aren’t…interested.”

Oh, damn. This was it. The moment she had to buck up and take that plunge into the forbidden land of commitment.

She took a steadying breath. “Then I guess this is where I should apologize, too.”

His eyes softened a touch at those words. “You—”

She held up a hand. “No, let me finish.” She couldn’t let herself stop until she’d said what she needed to say. “I’m sorry for reacting the way I did and not explaining myself properly. For taking my insecurities out on you. And for being too stubborn to tell you how I feel when you asked me.”

“How you feel?” he almost whispered.

“Yes,” she replied, her voice a little shaky. “How I felt then, and how I still feel.”

He mounted the two steps to reach her. “And…how do you feel?”

Do it, she told herself firmly.

Don’t think, just say it.

“Like there’s no point to my life if you’re not in it,” she admitted, laying all her cards—and her heart—on the table.

Something she hadn’t dared risk in a long time.

She worked up the nerve to glance up at him. His smile was slowly growing, his face brightening.

When he didn’t respond, she started fidgeting, telling herself not to feel foolish because she had finally been honest with him. It needed to be said. He deserved her honesty, and—

“I haven’t laughed in months.”

Her head snapped up.

A look of determination hardened his features. “I’ve barely smiled,” he said. “Because those things belong to you. My laughs, my smiles, my happiness. All of it. I’ve come here today to ask if you’d be willing to take on that responsibility—to bring them back.”

He took a step closer and brought his hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb caressing her jaw. “I know it’s scary, and I know it’s going to take some work. We both have things we need to improve upon, especially me. But I want to work on them with you. For you. You’re the only person who’s made me want to be a better version of myself. And I need you with me.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Because I miss laughing, Bea. I miss smiling. And I miss being happy, with you.”

Sweet relief.

Her heart felt as light as a feather. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so…free.

Huh. That was surprising. Once upon a time—not so very long ago—she had been convinced that committing to a relationship was the last legal form of slavery in this country. She would never have imagined feeling the sense of liberation that was coursing through her now. As though nothing was holding her back from doing anything she wanted.

Anything in the world.

It was one of those moments when she expected dozens of white doves to suddenly burst into the sky all around them, or a church choir to start singing, “Hallelujah!”

But there was one last thing that needed to be said before allowing herself the kiss they had been denied for two months. “I’ll move to London.” She felt his body go still. “If it means I get to be with you, I’ll move tomorrow. I just need you, wherever that might be.”

The laugh he released sounded both relieved and disbelieving. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. But you don’t have to move.”