A Five-Minute Life

I raised my fingers to make a pretend camera, and he looked over as I pressed the imaginary shutter.

I lowered my hands. “Hi.”

He stood up straight, pulled his hands from his pockets as I crossed the distance between us.

“What were you doing just now?” he asked.

“On The Office, Pam told her Jim to take mental pictures of the best moments,” I said, my voice already breaking. “Because everything goes by so fast.”

Wordlessly, Jim wrapped me in his arms and enveloped me in his strong arms. He kissed my forehead, then pressed his cheek to mine while I gripped the lapels of his jacket with both hands, my face buried in his neck, safe in the warm darkness there.

“How long have you been here?”

“All day,” he said gruffly.

“You’ve been waiting here for me all day?”

“I knew you’d come.”

He kissed my temple, my cheek, and my lips before pulling away. His eyes were bloodshot and shadowed, the threat of tears in their brown depths. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the bottle of Hazarin.

“This is yours,” he said, pressing it into my hand.

I stared at the bottle, then at him. “You won’t stop me from taking it?”

He shook his head, though it looked as if it cost him everything to do it. “It’s your choice.”

I smiled through my tears. “Not much of one, is it?”

“The fucking worst.”

My eyes spilled over. “I’m so grateful for the time we had. When I saw you up here, waiting for me… It hit me how happy I’ve been with you.”

“Me too, Thea,” he said. “The best time.”

I took his hand and put the bottle in his palm, curled his fingers around it. “I won’t give up.”

Jim made a sound deep in his chest and hauled me into his embrace. His sigh of relief expanded under my head and then turned into a ragged exhale.

“I hate this,” he said, muffled. “I hate that I’m relieved you have to go back to that hell.” He held me close, kissing my forehead, then his hands slipped to my cheeks, to hold my face. Tears shone in his eyes but he fought them back. “You’re so brave,” he whispered. “You’re so fucking brave.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know. I’m going to be with you every day. Every day, Thea.”

I shook my head. “I can’t think about that right now. Not yet. I took the medication this morning. We still have tonight, at least. Let me have that before…”

Before I go away again.

He nodded, his thumbs brushing the tears that streamed down my cheeks.

“What do you want to do? Anything you want. Name it.”

“I want to watch the sunset up here,” I said. “I want to eat Italian food at a place that’s dark and has little candles on the table. And I want you to sing for me. Will you do that?”

“Yeah, Thea,” he said, hoarse and raw. “I will.” He held up the pill bottle. “And these?”

I closed my eyes, inhaled deep. I breathed a prayer to those who came before me in Dr. Milton’s study. Those who suffered and died so that I could make the right choice.