I stared out at the city, my hand trembling.
“God, Thea, I’m sorry,” Delia said. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to scare you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you…”
Jimmy’s brows were drawn, his face pale. “What’s she saying?”
“What else did Dr. Chen tell you?” I managed into the phone.
“That you need to come back immediately.” Delia’s voice was soft now. “Or go to a hospital.”
“Absolutely not,” I said.
“You need to be in a safe, controlled environment as the Hazarin leaves your system. External stimuli could be too much for you. You need quiet and calm, not a seven-hour road trip in a car with that man.”
“I just need a little more time.”
I blinked.
“—then let us know where you are, and we can come and get you. Thea? Are you there?”
I missed what she said.
No, it’s the phone. Not me. It’s not working. It’s breaking down and soon it won’t work at all.
A muffled sob erupted out of me. Jimmy took the phone out of my shaking hand and wrapped his free arm around me.
“It’s Jim,” he said. “What’s happening?”
I buried my face in his chest as he talked to Delia. I heard him ask if I needed a hospital, and in the next second, I was sitting on a bench with him outside the city offices.
“We’re going back to the hotel,” he said. “You’ll be okay there so long as you stay quiet and calm. They’re coming to help us.”
“No,” I cried. “We need to get married…”
“We can’t,” Jimmy said, his voice breaking. “Not like this. It’s time to go back. Or to a hospital.”
“No,” I said. “No hospital. I’ll scream and never stop if I have to spend the last hours or minutes of my waking life in a hospital.”
“If anything happens to you, I’ll never forgive myself.”
I shook my head; the sobs tearing out of me now. “God, I’m so stupid. Why did I throw the pills away? Why? I should have married you first. I should have…”
“No,” he said, his voice choked with tears. “You’re not stupid. You’re braver than anyone I’ve ever met. You did the right thing.”
“It doesn’t feel right.” I clutched his jacket. “It’s happening so fast. Why does it have to happen so fast?”
The terror was beginning to unravel me. I fought for breath as Jimmy began to sing. Low and wavering, his voice rumbled under my ear, “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” as I clung to him.
I concentrated on his voice as he gently got me to my feet, led me to the street corner and into another cab. He sang the entire time, his voice anchoring me to the present, and I clung to it like a drowning woman.
Once in our hotel room, Jimmy helped me take off my shoes and get under the covers. He drew the shades across the windows, then lay down beside me. I curled into him while he stroked my hair. His face was so impossibly beautiful, so full of love and care, and my heart broke that someday soon, when he looked at me like that, I might not know why.
You will. Down in your deepest self, you’ll recognize his love for you.
“I love you,” I told him, tears spilling acro
ss my nose and dampening the pillow. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” he said, his eyes shining.