Forever Right Now

I stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind me. The music and laughter cut in half, became distant. My eyes darted to the baby bundled in a faded blanket with yellow teddy bears on it, stained and grimy. My heart panged against my chest like a heavy drum.

“What…What are you doing here?”

“I was in the city,” Molly said, swallowing hard, her eyes not meeting mine. “I wanted to introduce you.”

“Introduce me…”

Molly swallowed again and looked up at me as if it took effort. “Can I come in? Can we…talk? Just for a minute. I don’t want to ruin your party.”

“Talk.”

Shock had turned me stupid. I’d been valedictorian of my class at UCSF, now a straight-A law student at Hastings, reduced to repeating the last thing I heard like a parrot. My glance darting to the baby whose face was bundled out of sight.

Introduce me. Holy fuck.

I blinked, shook my head. “Yeah, uh, sure. Come in.”

I took the bag off Molly’s shoulder and my own arm dropped at its weight. I hefted it over mine and hustled Molly through the evil-doers, into my bedroom off the kitchen. The room was dim, and I flipped on a light. Molly blinked, glanced around.

“This is a nice room,” she said. She had dirt on her jeans and one of her jacket pockets was inside out. Her costume wasn’t evil nurse or witch, but homeless girl with a baby.

“The house is great. Huge.” She sat on the edge of the bed, hefted the baby in her arms. “You look good too, Sawyer. And you’re going to law school, right? You’re going to be a lawyer?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“I read on your Facebook page you’re going to work for a federal judge when you graduate. That’s a big deal, right? That sounds like a really good job.”

“I hope so,” I said. “I don’t have the job yet. I still have to graduate. Pass the bar exam and then he has to choose me.”

I had a mountain of pressure already. My glance darted to the baby again and my throat went dry.

“That sounds good, Sawyer,” Molly said. “You seem like you’re really doing well.”

“I’m doing okay.” I heaved a breath. “Molly…?”

“Her name is Olivia,” she said, shifting the baby. “That’s a good name, right? I wanted one that sounded…smart. Like you.”

My stomach was tied in the tightest of knots and my legs were itching to run out the door and not look back… Instead, I sank down on the bed beside Molly, like a magnet, drawn to the bundle in her arms.

“Olivia,” I murmured.

“Yes. And she is smart. Advanced. She can already hold her head up and everything.”

Molly pulled the blanket from the baby’s face and my damn breath caught in my throat. I saw a rounded cheek, tiny, pouty little lips, and eyes squeezed shut. Molly’s breath was tinged with booze, same as mine from the ‘special punch’ one of my roommates had made. But Olivia smelled clean, like talcum powder and some unidentifiable sweet smell that was probably reserved for babies.

“She’s pretty, right?” Molly said, glancing at me nervously. “She looks just like you.”

“Just like me...”

Outside my door, the party was blaring but muted. Young people laughing and drinking and probably hooking up…just as I had thirteen months ago.

“Are you sure she’s…?” I couldn’t say the word.

Molly’s head jerked in a fast nod. “She’s yours. One hundred percent.” She bit her lip. “Do you want to hold her?”

Fuck no!

My arms fell open and Molly put the baby in them.