Forever Right Now

Tears filled my eyes. “Sawyer…”

“Darlene, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s coming around the corner and I’m fucking scared to death. But the half of my heart that isn’t banged up from this fight for Olivia is all yours. It’s not much but it’s all I got right now.”

“I’ll take it.”

“Are you sure? Because I’m scared I can’t give you what you deserve. I’m living partially in the real world, and partially in a future that’s a handful of days away. Jackson—and his mother—think otherwise, but dammit, Darlene, it’s not fair to subject you to the shit storm that might be coming.”

“I can take it, Sawyer,” I said. “I want to take it. I’d rather be here for you, if it helps at all.”

“It does,” he

said. “So much.”

I snuggled closer to him, ignoring the throbbing of my foot. That pain was a much weaker echo of the one that lived in my heart, for him.

He stroked my hair. “I’ve never slept with a woman before. Just sleep, I mean.”

“Neither have I,” I murmured against his neck. “I’ve never just…been held. It’s nice.”

I felt him melt around me, the tension seeping out, at least for now. For a few precious hours, we slept deeply, tangled together. I held on to him, and he held on to me, just like he promised.

The following morning, I woke to sunlight streaming in from the window above the loveseat and Sawyer standing, looking out, his eyes full of thoughts.

“Hey,” I said softly. “Sleep well?”

He nodded. “It’s nearly ten o’clock. I haven’t slept this late since the summer before I started Hastings.” He turned to me, and I could see the weight of his exam, and the fight for Olivia were back, pushing him down again. “How’s the foot?”

“Hurts, but I’ll live.”

“I wish I didn’t have to leave you,” he said, coming to sit with me on the bed.

I turned him so I could rub his back, keep the tension from digging deep, but I was too late. “What time is your bus to Sacramento?”

“One o’clock,” he said. “I’ll get you some groceries or…anything else you need before I go.”

I turned him to me and cupped his cheek. “You’re good at taking care of people.”

His smile wilted a little and I knew he was thinking of Olivia. He patted my arm and rose quickly. “I’ll make you some coffee.”

Sawyer made the coffee, then left to shower, change and pack. He came back afterward and sat with me, hardly saying anything. I let him have his silence, and just held him, our fingers laced together.

At noon, Jackson arrived to take him to the bus depot. His suit looked slept in, and he kept sunglasses over his eyes, even indoors. He propped one hand against my doorway.

“I am…so hungover.” He craned his neck forward, then took his sunglasses off to blink blearily at me. “I was going to ask how you dance show went. Judging by that boot on your foot, I’d say either really badly, or you slayed so hard, you up and hurt yourself.”

“The first one,” I said, with a smile.

“The second,” Sawyer said.

“Thatta girl.” Jackson shuffled into my place, and clapped Sawyer on the shoulder.

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

“My man. Let’s roll.”

I got to my feet and hobbled on my cane. The pain wasn’t as bad though the notion of a six-hour shift at the spa the next day made me vaguely nauseated.