Forever Right Now

Acceptance, I thought, is a kind of love too.

“Dammit, Sawyer, I’ve cried all my makeup away today because of you.”

He smiled and cupped my cheek in his hand. “Go to your meeting,” he said, his lips brushing mine. “I’ll be here for you when you get back.”

I pressed myself into his touch. “You might not believe this, but that’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

He chuckled and kissed me again. “I think I can do better…tonight.”

At my meeting, I told the group everything. I watched, with joy in my heart, as the faces of the attendees—who looked tired in a way that had nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with internal battles that never ended—filled with hope.

Afterward, Angela, the program director, approached as I was making plans to have coffee with some of the group members sometime next week.

“Wonderful share tonight, Darlene,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said. “It felt good. But I’m Max-less. Any word on a new sponsor for me?”

“I’ve been talking with Max by phone, as a matter of fact,” she said. “And we feel that, given your two years’ sobriety, and your amazing progress, that you would be an ideal candidate to sponsor someone yourself.”

I scrunched up my eyes. “Come again? You want me to sponsor someone?”

“You’d still be required to attend the meetings, but you’d be doing it in a more supportive capacity to one of our own.” She smiled a gentle smile. “Do you think you’d be up for that?”

I tried to envision it. Me, as a sponsor, helping someone else. The call-ee, not the call-er.

“Yes,” I said. “I’d love to help. Any way I can.”

The warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach was burnt away on the way back to the Victorian, as I thought about Sawyer, waiting for me.

I snuck past his place, and went up to mine to take a shower. It took me forever, since I had to move so slowly with my broken foot. The swelling had gone down and the bruising had faded from purple to ugly green, but it still didn’t look pretty.

“Suck it up, foot,” I murmured as I dressed in a thong, sleep shorts, and t-shirt; no bra. “If all goes as planned, it’s going to be a rough night for you,” I said and laughed nervously.

I’d never been nervous before. I’d never waited this long to consummate an attraction.

“I’m in love with him,” I told my reflection. “This is sort of a big deal.”

It was also sort of crazy to talk to an empty studio, but I was so nervous, words popped into my brain and out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I put the boot back on my foot.

“Oh yeah, that’s sexy,” I muttered. Then heaved a breath and headed down.

I knocked on the door softly, but I heard Olivia’s little voice crowing excitedly on the other side. Sawyer answered the door with a smirk on his face, looking sexy as hell in his pajama pants and V-neck undershirt.

“Parenthood,” he said. “Destroyer of evening plans.” His eyes softened as he looked down at me. “God, you’re beautiful.”

His hands slipped around my head, to bury themselves in my hair as he kissed me deeply, with intention. I melted into his kiss, until Olivia surrounded by blocks on the floor, saw me.

“Dareen!”

I smiled against Sawyer’s lips. “To be continued.”

We stacked blocks with her, Sawyer and I lying on our sides with Olivia in the middle. I watched him smile and laugh with her easily, none of the terrible tension weighing him down. She was his and the joy of it was practically radiating out of his skin.

When Olivia started to fuss, Sawyer too

k her into her room to read her a story and put her to bed. My nervousness had long vanished, leaving me with a pleasant, heady anticipation of what was to come.