Forever Right Now

“You should be,” I said. “I’m so happy for you both.”

I chatted with them for a while, then sat back down in my seat, flushed with happiness and found Sawyer looking at me from across the table with an expression I couldn’t identify.

“It’s such great news, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Absolutely.”

The food orders were taken, and talk and laughter rolled over the table in waves and swells. Olivia entertained everyone with her ability to count to twenty and recite her ABCs. At one point, Sawyer moved to sit at an empty chair near my dad, and I heard them talking about my dad’s business and Sawyer’s job as Clerk of the Court for Judge Miller. Of course, Sawyer had passed the bar with an outrageous score of 1990 out of a possible 2000. He was modest as all heck about it, but he’d worked so hard for so long and I was so proud of him. And proud of myself, for being here. For making it to this moment, with these people I loved best.

I bent my head to find Max and met his eye. I didn’t have to say a word. He nodded once, and smiled, and I knew he understood.

After we ate, dessert was offered and Sawyer was back in his chair across from me.

“You’re so quiet today,” I said, leaning toward him and taking his hand. “Everything all right?”

He nodded. “It’s perfect.”

The desserts were served but I abstained from them too. The last thing I needed before the show was a sugar rush.

“Ma! Hey, Mama,” Carla called to our mother over a table of talk. “You have to split this tiramisu with me. I can’t do it alone.”

“Where Mama?” Olivia asked.

?

?What’s that, hon?” Carla said, leaning sideways to Olivia while she prepped her coffee.

“Where Mama?”

“Oh, she’s my mama.” Carla pointed at our mother with her spoon. “That’s my mama, right there,”

“Ohhh,” Olivia said. “Das my mama righ’ dare!” she said, and she pointed straight to me.

The whole table stopped, conversations ceased. I felt warm all over, as if a ray of sunlight suddenly fell over me, turning everything gold and soft.

My gaze jumped to Sawyer. He gave a short, disbelieving laugh, his mouth open in shock but wanting to smile.

“What did you say, honey?” he asked Olivia.

“Mama,” Olivia said, hooking a little chocolate-covered finger my way again. “Darlene my mama.” She said as if this were common knowledge and went back to eating her cake, completely unaware of the knowing laughs and teasing that swept through the rest of the table.

The Abbotts stared in surprise, and a pang of fear shot through me, certain they must be saddened for Molly, that she wasn’t here to share in this happiness, and that Olivia had given her title to someone else. To me.

“I didn’t tell her…” I said. “I mean, she’s never called me that before…”

I held my breath until they both smiled, Alice with her hand over her heart. “It’s okay,” she told me. “It hurts and yet it’s perfectly right. Does that make sense?”

I nodded, tears in my eyes. “Yeah, it does.”

“Oh jeez, Dar,” my sister said, breaking the solemn moment. She spooned sugar into her coffee. “A mama. You ready for that?”

Jackson was less subtle. He bellowed a great laugh and clapped his hands. “Thatta girl, Livvie! Up top.”

He reached across the table to high five the two-year old. Henrietta swatted his arm down.

“You hush. This is personal between them, and you have no cause to say a word.”

Henrietta’s word was law, and everyone went back to their conversations.