“But football season is over now.” He took both my hands in his. Lightly. “I want us to try again. And this time, I won’t flake on you, I swear.”
“We’ve never really talked or hung out.”
“That’s my fault, because I’ve been so busy. You know how it is, right? Getting your college apps together?”
“Yeah, that was nerve-wracking as hell,” I said with a laugh. “Worse, I put in for early decision. I should be hearing back any day now.”
I’d applied to UC Santa Cruz, of course, and then UCSF, Georgetown, Baylor, and the University of Cincinnati for back-up. Just thinking about getting the letter with UCSC on the envelope made me queasy with excitement.
River misread the light in my eyes. He smiled and a hint of his usual, insouciant charm returned. The casual confidence of the star quarterback who could get any girl he wanted.
So why me?
“Just promise me you’ll think about it, okay?”
He bent and kissed my cheek, leaving me in the hallway with the warm feel of his lips and the slight scratch of his stubble on my skin.
I sighed. I had thought about it. About him. But the problem with thinking about River Whitmore these days was that my thoughts immediately pivoted right to Miller Stratton. He’d set up permanent residence in my mind and my heart, and there was no room for anyone else.
Too late. I fell in love with my best friend and I’m too late.
“Hey, you,” Shiloh said, falling in step beside me after school the next day. She wore billowy bohemian pants and a sleeveless linen shirt, her braids pulled back from her elegant neck. Earthy metal jewelry of her own creation glinted in the late afternoon sun. “You’re a hard person to get a hold of these days.”
“Sorry. Busy with school and now soccer practice. First game is coming up.” I glanced at her sideways. My friend was always beautiful, but she looked extra radiant lately. “And I could say the same about you. I feel like it’s been ages since we hung out. What have you been doing lately?”
And who with?
“Because it has been ages,” she said, avoiding my question. “But we’re here to talk about you. Specifically, you and Miller.”
I stopped and shook my head. “There is no ‘me and Miller.’ Remember Homecoming? Do you need an episode recap?”
“Don’t be bitter; it’s not your style.” Her lips pursed. “Okay, here’s the deal. I’ve been patient with both you and Miller, and Amber is a friend, but enough is enough.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means…”
Her words trailed as she spied something over my shoulder. I turned to look, and my throat tightened to see Miller and Amber walking hand-in-hand to the front of the school. A heavy ball smacked my chest and then sunk into my stomach. She was on her phone, and his gaze was out and away. They walked as far apart from each other as possible except for their tethered hands. As if it were the only thing keeping them from floating off in different directions.
Shiloh gave my arm a gentle squeeze, bringing me back around. “You see that body language? Do they look like a happy couple in love?”
I flinched at her choice of words. “That’s just one moment in time. Who knows what they’re like alone?”
At night. In his bed.
God, my stupid heart had no right to ache at the thought. Of course he’d lost his virginity to her by now. Or hell, maybe to someone during any of the years in which I’d kept him locked in the Friend Zone. And he had every right.
He waited for me long enough.
“Hey,” Shiloh said, dragging me from my thoughts. “I know what they’re like alone because they both tell me. In a word, he’s miserable. And she’s frustrated and on the brink of dumping his ass.”
I didn’t hear much after miserable. “He is? But why stay with her? Why date her in the first place?”
Shiloh’s voice softened. “Why do you think? To get over you.”
A moment passed as I took this in. I swallowed my tears down. “I don’t know what to say, Shi. They’re together now and—”
“Trust me. It’s not serious.”