The Girl in the Love Song (Lost Boys 1)

He fell into a frustrated silence, shaking his head at the ground.

“You care about her,” I said softly, remorse making me shudder.

“I don’t know. No, I… Fuck, I’m such an asshole. Because no matter what, this will hurt her, and I don’t want that. I never wanted that. I only went to someone else because I needed to try to move on. Because I thought you and I were impossible. And maybe we are.”

I hunched deeper in the blanket, fending off the chill morning air and the cold finality of his words.

He looked up at me, and it tore my heart in two to see his hazel eyes shining. “You were right all along. We can’t get this right. It’s fucking everything up.”

Without another word, he gathered his guitar case, and his jacket.

“Miller, wait,” I said. “You can’t just run out every time we touch and kiss and feel the depth of it all. I know it’s a lot. It’s a lot for me too—”

“No?” He laughed bitterly. “That’s what people do, Vi. They run away. Even you, eventually.”

“What?” I scrambled to my feet. “Why would you say that?”

But he turned his back on me.

“Come on, it’s time to go,” he said, his voice cold and empty. Unrecognizable. “We’re done here.”

Chapter Fifteen

I walked the difficult path from the Shack, Violet behind me. I listened for signs that she was struggling over the rocks or had lost a shoe in the sucking sand since we weren’t talking. Not a word.

Her car was parked along a side street near the path down. I waited until she was safely inside. Tires screeched as Violet peeled away in her white Rav 4 and left me in a dissipating cloud of gasoline fumes. The last thing I saw was her face through the window. Shut down. Guarded.

What did you expect?

I ruined us the first time I kissed her. I’d demolished our friendship, and now neither one of us knew what to do with each other. I didn’t know what to do with the rush of feelings that swamped me every time we touched. Every kiss like a door opening to another life that was too fucking good. I’d been wanting her for so long, keeping her in my love songs where I got to say how it turned out.

But every time the fantasy came close to reality, my old fears came roaring back. Since Mom and I were left to fend for ourselves, I’d pulled my hate for my dad around me like a suit of armor, building strength out of the helplessness and fear. I’d promised myself I would always be the one who left before anyone could leave me. Always.

But watching Violet drive away, I didn’t feel strong. Watching her go was like waking up from a dream that fades away before you can catch it.

You’re running out of chances to make things right.

If I was going to make anything right, I had to start with Amber. I pulled out my phone. Can we talk? Today?

I started to walk home, and the reply came a few minutes later. UR breaking up with me.

It wasn’t a question.

Meet me at the bench after school?

I take that as a ‘yes.’ Sure. Fine. CU then.

I blew air out my cheeks and tucked my phone away. I had enough time to eat and take my insulin, but it was too late to shower and change. I had to go to school and break up with Amber, smelling like Violet.

My jackassery knows no bounds…

After a day of classes that felt like an eternity, I went to the bench at the periphery of the main quad. The same bench where I’d sat with Violet the day Homecoming votes were cast. Amber was already waiting for me.

“Hey,” I said, sitting beside her.

She glanced me up and down. “You look like hell. Is this actually difficult for you? Or were you up all night doing something else? With someone else?”

“I had a late night I didn’t sleep with anyone, but I—”