The Girl in the Love Song (Lost Boys 1)

The tears threatened again, and Miller’s cobalt eyes, which were so often steely and cold, were now dark and soft and nowhere but on me.

“Do you need anything?” he asked. “What can I do?”

I smiled and brushed a lock of unruly hair out of his eyes. “Nothing. Just be here.”

He caught my hand and held it in his. The energy between us was different than it had been in months. Or ever. Since we were thirteen and he was the one in the hospital bed. The day I knew I’d love him forever.

He bowed his head. “Christ, I’m sorry this happened, Violet.”

“Not your fault. I dove straight into the path of Angela Marino’s kneecap. Oh shit, I hope she’s okay…”

“She is. I heard your parents talking.”

“Thank God, though I’m probably going to be cut from the team.”

“You shouldn’t be playing anyway,” Miller said darkly. “Not until you’re better. They said it’s a concussion. You’ll have to be careful for weeks.”

“I will.”

A short silence fell. He was still holding my hand.

“Miller…”

“I’m sorry, Vi. For a lot of things. I’m sorry I went silent on you. Disappeared. I’m sorry I ran to another girl when I should have told you the truth, that we always felt like more than friends. From the very first day. But I said nothing.”

“Not nothing. You put it in your songs,” I said with a smile. My hand in his tightened. “I’m sorry about so many things, too. Evelyn calls me Snow White, and I hate it. But I think it’s kind of accurate. I’ve been poisoning myself by thinking we would turn into my parents. But then you kissed me that first time and I woke up.”

“Yeah?” The vulnerability in his eyes was raw and naked.

“Yeah. Your kisses have magical properties, Stratton. The first rearranged my universe. The second at the Shack turned me into a puddle of lust. I’m a little bit scared what will happen with number three.”

His small smile faded. “I still haven’t told you the rest. About Amber.”

“I know. Shiloh told me.”

“I would’ve told you the minute it was over, but she asked me to give her time and so I did. She deserved better than me. Maybe you do too.”

I shook my head, then winced. “Don’t say things like that and make me shake my head,” I said with a small laugh.

Miller wasn’t smiling. “It’s true.” He studied our clasped hands as he spoke, rubbing his thumb back and forth over my skin. “I walk around every day pretending like it

doesn’t fucking matter what my dad did. I tell people he’s dead because if he’s dead and gone, so what if he left? But he’s not dead. He could come back any time, and he doesn’t. And what he did matters.”

“Of course, it does,” I said softly, surprised. Miller had rarely spoken about his father in the four years I’d known him.

“It matters,” he said, “not just because Mom and I had to live in a fucking car. It messed me up too. I lost a lot, real fast. My dad, my house, my school and our neighborhood in Los Banos. My friends. Hell, I nearly lost my life. It’s not his fault I have diabetes, but he doesn’t know I have it, and he fucking should. I’m his son.”

I nodded, listening, wishing I could pull the hurt out of him so he didn’t have to carry it anymore.

He raised his eyes to mine. “He took everything so that’s what I have left. The fear that anything can be taken away, at any time. When I heard you were hurt, it fucking killed me. Because maybe I’d pushed you away so hard, it turned my fear into a reality.”

He leaned close, pressed my hands to his heart. “This is yours. Always. I’ll be whatever you want me to be. I’ll be your friend if that’s what you want. No more bullshit. Or I’ll be…more. I’ll be nothing. All I want is for you to be happy.”

My throat felt thick and my heart full at what he was offering me. “You can never be nothing to me, Miller. Not ever.”

The expression that came over his face was heartbreakingly beautiful. Miller bent his head to me, and while I wanted nothing more than his kiss, we weren’t done clearing the path for us ahead. I put my hands on his chest.

“Wait. We have to be honest with each other all the time and talk about everything, okay? That’s the only way we’re going to survive. That’s the real lesson my parents have been teaching me.”