? I said. “I thought I’d be but I’m not.”
Just the opposite. Every kiss and touch was like reclaiming a piece of myself I’d broken off and given to my fake life.
“What do you want?” Holden whispered hotly against my neck. “You can do whatever you want to me.”
“I don’t want to do whatever I want. We should do what we want. What feels right.”
He pulled back to study my face as if he couldn’t believe I was real. As if no one had said something like that to him before. Worse, as if it had never occurred to him that he deserved to hear it.
“Don’t get all noble on me now.”
“I don’t feel noble,” I said. “I feel like ripping your clothes to shreds with my teeth.”
“Good God, man. What are you waiting for?”
I laughed a little and shook my head. “Not tonight.”
“What’s happening tonight?”
“I don’t know just…stop talking.”
I kissed him, pushing him back and lying over him. We tugged at my jeans and his sleep pants until we were both down to our underwear, our erections brushing and rubbing through the material. I let my gaze wander over him in the dimness and slid my hands over the bare skin of his chest.
Holden lay back, watching me explore him, his abs tightening as my fingers trailed down toward the erection that strained against his boxer briefs. I hesitated but he nodded quickly, his neck tight.
I held my breath, my heart crashing against my ribs, waiting for lightning to strike me dead or shame to engulf me. But I slipped my hands inside, wrapped my fingers around him, and felt only relief and lust. Wanting this for him and for me, and for the years I’d spent denying myself.
Holden released a sound deep in his chest and I groaned. His cock filled my palm, soft skin sliding over hard flesh.
This, a thought whispered in and out of my head. This is what I want…
“I want to make you come,” I said thickly. “And I want to watch.”
Holden groaned. “And here I thought you’d be shy.”
He slipped out of his underwear, my hand still wrapped around him. I increased the pressure on him, squeezing hard through the stroke, then releasing, over and over.
“What about you?” he managed.
I shook my head, my hand working faster. “Just you.”
Again, confusion flashed over his face and I sort of hated anyone who’d been here before me, taking and taking and giving nothing back.
Instinct guiding me, I let my mouth wander down his neck, inhaling the clean warm scent of him, tasting the faint salt of his skin. I dragged my tongue down his chest. The smooth texture changed as I found one small nipple.
“How do you know how to do that?” Holden gasped out as I bit, sucked, and then swirled my tongue over the sensitive nub, all the while my hand worked over his cock.
“Don’t know,” I murmured. “Just want this.”
For you.
Holden’s breath caught, and I knew he was close. My own cock ached as if it were my orgasm ready to explode. I kissed him, a wet lashing of tongues, and then my fingers were in his mouth again. His tongue slid between them while I milked him, driving him higher and faster, until his head fell back, hands clutching the sheets.
“Oh fuck…” he gasped.
I sat up while his hips rose and fell with increased desperation and watched him come. His release spurted hot over his stomach and over my fingers, and I claimed it. It was mine. His every pounding heartbeat and hitched breath and agonized groan, all mine. I coaxed him through the orgasm with long, slow strokes until I was on the verge.
With a groan, I sat on the edge of the bed and yanked off my underwear. I took myself in hand, letting Holden’s release lubricate me. I felt him behind me, his mouth on the slope of muscle between my neck and shoulder. He bit down like the vampire he was, sending tingling electricity down my arm, then reached around to slide his fingers over mine until they were coated too, his release slick and warm over my cock.