I set out a blanket on the bed of my truck, and Holden and I lay on our backs under a dark blue sky, glittering with stars. It took only a few minutes before the first meteor streaked across the sky, a silver ball leaving a trail of sparks until it burned out.
“Not bad, right?” I asked.
“It’s better than watching a bunch of old guys ogle old cars.”
I started to retort but the meteors were shooting above us, one after the other. We both shut up and just watched as the universe threw its own fireworks show, raining light across the black backdrop. From our vantage, with no one around, it was easy to imagine that they were just for Holden and me.
I turned to look at him and watched the lights flare in his eyes, his sharp exterior soft with the beauty of it.
“Can I ask you something?”
Holden raised his brows. “Sounds serious.”
“What was your first time like?” I shifted on the blanket. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me. If you don’t want to.”
“I don’t mind. It wasn’t exactly earth-shattering, and yet it was completely earth-shattering, all things considered.”
I tried to ignore the jealousy that bit at me. “What do you mean?”
“It was at prep school. I was fifteen. He was seventeen. The act itself wasn’t anything to write home about. Rougher than I’d have preferred.” He quickly shook his head at my hissed intake of breath. “That was due to our inexperience more than anything else. Though truthfully, I wasn’t in a healthy headspace to ask for anything different, and I wasn’t going to stop anyway. The ultimate rebellion against my parents. But the joke was on me.”
“What happened?”
“My partner—we’ll call him Blake because that’s his name—thought it would be fun to film it. Being the dumbass that I was, I agreed and thought nothing more about it. But since that first sexual experience was less than satisfying, I branched out. Saw other people. And by see, I mean I fucked my way through the gay population at that school and a few students who were on the fence, to boot. Blake became upset and showed our video to some friends. They showed their friends…” Holden rolled a finger in the air. “It went viral, jumping from one phone to another until our entire floor was infected.”
My teeth ground together. My hand found Holden’s and held on while the meteors streaked across the black sky.
“The director of the school got wind of it. He hauled us to his office, and both sets of parents were there. The biggest scandal in the school’s one hundred and thirty-years. I doubted that, but my parents certainly agreed. Charles and Estelle Parish handled it in true rich-person fashion—threatening to sue the school into oblivion if word got out. They confiscated every phone, made everyone sign NDAs, paid off anyone who’d seen it, and pulled me out of the school. For a few precious days, it was the greatest thing to ever happen to me.”
My brows furrowed. “How?”
Holden smiled sadly. “For the first time, my parents were on my side, protecting me.” He turned his gaze back to the sky. “But in the end, they didn’t give a shit about me at all. They were protecting their reputation. We flew home and eight days later, I was in Alaska.”
“Christ.”
“So that was the romantic tale of my first time, available for your viewing pleasure at the click of a link.”
My eyes flared. “The video is still out there?”
He shrugged. “I haven’t looked, but this is the digital age. God knows how many times my lover shared the video before he got caught.”
“Fuck.” Anger burned at the back of my throat.
Holden rolled on his side. “Not much I can do about it now.” He reached out and brushed a lock of hair off my forehead. “Not every guy is as good as you, River.”
The moment caught and held. Nothing casual in it. Holden quickly withdrew his hand and nudged my shoulder. “Your turn. You ever gone all the way? Video evidence optional.”
He needed me to change the subject, so I did. I shook my head. “I never got far with any girl. Complete lack of interest.”
“Didn’t you wonder why? Especially during those early, horny years?”
“Sure, but I didn’t let myself dwell on it or ask any questions. I shelved it away with everything else. I’d watch straight porn and focus entirely on the guy.” I smirked. “I told myself it was because I was studying what to do.”
Holden snorted. A low chuckle that built steam until he was cackling, holding his sides.
“So glad this is funny to you,” I said, biting back my own smile.
“I’m picturing you watching some housewife bent over a table getting drilled by the plumber…and you’re there with paper and pencil, taking notes.”