“Aye, but she’s the only one we ever met. Mum was so happy she cried,” he waves his arm.
That’s bloody perfect, now I am making Mum cry, too. Way to go, asshole. There’s apparently no depths you will not sink to. Mallory’s right, you are a monster.
“She made you happy,” Pop continues.
“Yeah well, apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual.” I take a long gulp of my scotch and let it burn my throat.
“You sure?”
“Real sure, Pop. No room for interpretation.”
“But you love her?”
I kill off the last swallow of drink, lean forward and set my tumbler on the ground. I put my hands on my knees, my head down, and rub my eyes and forehead. “Listen Pop, I’m sorry to disappoint you and Mum and everybody else but it’s over. She doesn’t trust me. Has never trusted me and said she will never trust me. So that’s the end of it.”
He pauses a long moment, maybe he understands now and this conversation can stop. “Well, what are you going to do about it?” He asks.
I raise back up and turn my head to Pop, “I just told you, she doesn’t want me. It was over the minute she started lying to me, anyway.”
“Ah,” he nods, “she done you wrong?”
I shrug. I don’t know how to explain this to him but for some reason, it’s important to me that he doesn’t think Mallory is like Kate. I know she isn’t. “No,” I mumble.
“What was that?” He questions and puts a hand to his ear dramatically. Smartass.
“There’s nothing to be done about it.” I lean back in my chair and slink down.
“You’re just going to sit here drinking by yourself all day and night, eh?” Pop has his arms crossed over his chest and I feel like I’m a kid who’s just failed an algebra test and is getting a lecture about living up to one’s potential.
“Aye. Then I’ll leave for the next race and that’ll be that.” I can’t bear to upset Mallory anymore so I’ll have to avoid her until she goes home. To New York. I’ll stay in different hotels. I’ll tell Jack not to give me her hotel room number next time, no matter how much I beg him.
“Just gonna leave for the race…” he mocks me.
“Exactly. It’s the only thing I’m good for.”
“That’s rubbish,” he purses his lips and shakes his head at me.
“Is it, Pop? Is it really? Take a look around. What else do I have going for me? Got this stone monstrosity here, it’s been sitting in disrepair for ages.” I shrug and wave across the expansive property stretched out before us, “but I’m hardly here. Barely see you and Mum and Bram. Bram wants my help with karting and I push him away because I don’t want this for him. I can’t even,” I stumble and pick my words carefully. “I can’t even race like I want to. And now, I’ve fucked everything up with the only woman I…”
“Well, you’ve got quite the self-pity speech prepared,” he interrupts and does a slow clap a few times for dramatic effect. I wonder if I am this annoying when I act like a sarcastic jackass.
“It’s not pity, it’s just the truth.”
“You have things other men would kill for,” his voice gets sharp and he points at me. Ha-ha-sarcasm time is over.
He’s right and now I’m offending Pop on top of it all. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be ungrateful to you and Mum.”
“Ahhh,” he waves his hand to brush me off, “this isn’t about us. All we’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”
“I know, thank you.”
“Guess we didn’t do our jobs very well then,” he says, matter of fact.
“What? No. You and Mum gave me everything, you were wonderful parents. You are wonderful parents.”
“But you’re not happy.”
“Pop, come on,” I sigh.