Fast & Hard (The Fast 1)

“You’re not mad?”

“Oh, I’m plenty mad,” I stand up from the car and take two steps so I’m inches from her, “but I’m mad at myself that I let this happen to you. I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself, but I’ll figure it out.”

“You didn’t make me do it,” she looks up at me.

“But you did it for me.”

She nods.

I run my fingers through her long hair and hold the back of her head. “I wish you would have just let me handle this so I could keep you safe. I would have done anything for you. I will do anything for you. But I understand why you did it.” I pull her body into mine and hold her head against my chest. This is the first time in weeks I’ve held her and there’s no power in the universe that I’ll let take her from me again.

“I’m sorry, I had to do something. It wasn’t fair, I had to fight.” Her arms are to her side and she goes back and forth with them wanting to wrap around my waist, then back to her sides.

I chuckle into her hair, “I think I fell in love with you the first time you fought with me. So fucking sassy.”

“It’s the competitive streak in you, you like the challenge,” her arms finally go around my waist and my eyes close in relief.

“You’re probably right.” I kiss her hair and whisper to her, “I love you, Mallory. You don’t have to love me back right now. One day I hope you will.”

She pulls back and looks up at me, “You didn’t see my texts.”

“What texts?”

“You blocked me, on your phone.”

“I was out of my mind, Mallory. After everything that happened in the past with him, I thought you were the last person who would lie to me and it just, it fucking wrecked me. I couldn’t bear the thought.”

She nods and looks to her side at the apple trees again. “Can you take me back to the track now? Or I can call Max, I guess.”

“Max? Why?” The track is the last place on earth I want to be right now, and we have so much more to talk about.

“I have to figure my life out now, Lennox,” she says with no small amount of frustration. “I have no job, no home, my dad

is probably having a heart attack as we speak, I stole a car and the cops could be looking for me for all I know!”

“What?” Stole a car, what the fuck? None of it matters. “I’ll come with you, then, wherever you want to go. New Y…”

“No,” she cuts me off.

“Then Scotland, move in with me. Please. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to race on Sunday now or not but, fuck it.”

“No, Lennox.” Her face is stern and she’s holding her elbows across her stomach. “It’s not that simple. You hurt me.”

Her hazel eyes are glossy and bloodshot. Knowing I put that look in her eyes guts me and is a shame inside me worse than any of the bullshit I’ve ever done in my life. “I know, love, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“You did it deliberately. You want me to trust you, but you didn’t have trust in me either. You were hurt and you lashed out to hurt me on purpose. I have never felt so terrible, Lennox. I don’t know if I could go through that again.”

“I swear to you it will never happen again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Mallory. I don’t care where we go or what we do, but I need you. I know I’m selfish but I won’t give you up. I can’t.”

“I don’t know if I can,” she shakes her head. “I don’t trust myself right now, much less you. Running away with you to your castle won’t solve anything. I ran away once when I came here to escape my problems. I’d feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The next time you’ll throw some supermodel in my face.”

“Don’t do that. Look at me,” I take her face. “You are the only woman I have ever felt this way about, I have never loved anyone like this. I mean it, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re fucking everything to me.”

“I need time. Time away from you. Everything is completely out of control and I don’t know which end is up.”

Time apart is the last thing I want. I’d cut off my right arm if I could just take her back home right now and marry the shit out of her. But I came prepared to do whatever it takes and I will. I need her to trust me and be all in with me. “There’s nothing I won’t give you, tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Just promise you’ll come back to me.”

Her gorgeous, hazel eyes with flecks of gold and brown pierce me, “I can’t promise you that.”