Unintended

I put my phone down on the table beside the bed and smiled to myself. I had made a new friend. A new friend who would be able to make going to gigs a lot less scary. Maybe travelling down to Devon wasn’t such a mistake after all.

The drive back to Stockport was long and dull. The only thing that got me through was listening to music and singing along like I was the star of my own personal rock show. I’d purposely cleared the next day off so I could have a lazy couple of days at home. I usually only took Sundays off, unless I had something super important to do. Going to a rock show didn’t count as ‘super important’ in the grand scheme of things, but in many ways, it was a massive deal. It meant I had to take control of my anxiety, and while driving calmed me, being alone in a strange place was my idea of a clothes off, people staring at me nightmare.

When I got into my cosy two-bedroom house, I threw my bags down in the hallway, extracted my phone from my handbag then went into the living room, flipping on the light on my way to the sofa. Home sweet home. It was just after five p.m. I was pretty sure Keely would be doing something with the kids, but she’d asked me to call her when I got home so I dropped her a quick text to let her know I’d made it back in one piece then went to put the kettle on. Within sixty seconds, I heard my phone ringing so I ran back to the living room to pick it up.

“Hey, Keels.” In the background, I heard the baby crying, and her three-year-old making some kind of high-pitched shrieking noise. I could also hear her husband, Nick, yelling, “Come here, Oscar! It’s bath time!” I smiled, but it was a little wistful. Keely’s kids were a huge part of my world, but between work and Keely’s hectic schedule, it had been more than a week since I’d seen any of them. I missed them all. Their happy family vibe was one of the few things that made me feel truly peaceful.

“How’d it go?” she asked as the background noises slowly faded out.

“Erm, are you sure you can talk now? It sounds manic.”

“It’s fine. I shut myself in the playroom. Nick can handle it.”

I chuckled. He was a great dad. He was out at work all day then, when he got home, Keely always clocked out of mum duties for an hour to have some time to herself.

“So, tell all,” Keely said. “Did you do it?”

“I did. Sort of.” I sighed and sat back down on the sofa. “I went to the gig. It was loud and uncomfortable the w

hole night, and then, when Youth Authority came on, it got louder and wilder. I left after one song because I had a panic attack.”

“Oh, Evie.” Keely’s voice was full of sympathy, but she didn’t sound as disappointed as I felt. “You still took a huge step. It’s not as if this is the last time they’ll ever play so you can always go again.”

“I guess so.” But maybe not alone. I thought about the guy I’d met the night before. He’d seemed a little uncomfortable in his own skin, yet he’d been kind enough to check if I was okay. A large part of me hoped I never heard from him again because he was so young. What the hell would people think if I started hanging around with a guy who was seven years younger than me? Was that all that was left for me now in the way of new friends? People who were actually still growing up, as opposed to me who had already grown up but were trying to recapture the youth they’d skipped by getting married and divorced so young?

I was getting more pathetic with every day.

When I got home, right on time, the flat was empty. I had no idea where Natalie was, but I knew what would happen if I didn’t let her know I was back. I dumped my bag in the bedroom then went through to the kitchen. I took a photo of the kitchen clock on the wall; it was pretty distinctive with a normal round face, but the numbers were around the literal outside of the clock. I then inserted the photo into a text message and wrote, ‘I’m home,’ then hit send.

With that done, I put my phone on the kitchen counter and put the kettle on to make a coffee. I hadn’t slept much the night before, and I didn’t want to sleep on the train, just in case I missed my stop and ended up in Scotland.

I leaned back against the work surface, thinking about what was to come over the next few hours. At least with Natalie out of the flat, I could relax for a while. Kind of. I was never fully relaxed, but at least it was quiet. I had seven hours before I had to be at work, so I could have slept for a bit, but I didn’t want to. I had to unpack, and shower, and I wanted to look at some music recommendations I’d had on Spotify. There were also some new bands playing at the bar soon, and I liked to check them out beforehand. I was pretty good at spotting which would go far and which would fade away—a skill I’d learned when I was a kid and my mother forced me to watch X Factor with her. The commercial stuff on that show never appealed to me; I’d always liked rock and metal above everything else. The only good thing about working in the bar was hearing music and getting paid for it. The job itself was crap. I spent a lot of time alerting the security guards to fights, cleaning up spilled drinks, and carrying stuff around from the basement up to the bar. It was dull and I was sure my ears would be permanently damaged from working there, but I didn’t have a lot of choice.

My phone bleeped and I spun around to pick it up.

Yay! Can’t wait to see you! Xx

I sent back two kisses then put the phone back down to make my drink then took it through to the living room and sat on the beanbag that was on the floor underneath the window. I put my cup on the floor, took out my wallet, and pulled out Evie’s card.

I wasn’t sure why, but I’d found it hard to stop thinking about her when I’d gone to bed the night before. Not in that way. I felt bad for her because she’d been so stressed when she’d rushed out of the club. I knew the feeling of anxiety and it was horrible. But then, in the hotel bar, she’d been totally relaxed and easy to talk to. I couldn’t believe she was almost thirty. She could easily have passed for my age. Evie seemed insecure about her age, but earlier, I’d thought she was someone who had it all together. Thirty seemed a million years away, and I’d always figured most people have their lives sorted out by then. That obviously wasn’t true.

I set the card on the floor and leaned over to the table for my laptop, firing it up and going to Spotify to look up the bands I’d be seeing soon.

I only listened to two songs by two different bands before the front door opened. “Ash?” Natalie called.

“In here.”

I closed my laptop, resigned to the fact that everything I was doing would grind to a halt now, and as she walked in, I held back a sigh at the amount of bags she carried. No more trips for me until my bank account is full again…

She put the bags down and I tried to see where she’d shopped. It was too much to hope that she’d been on a shopping spree in Primark where clothes were reasonably priced. Nope. Lots of high end high street stores. Yay.

“Hi!” she said, rushing towards me as if she hadn’t seen me in a year. She kicked my laptop out of her way with her boot then straddled me, placing a kiss on my lips. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I told her, resting my hands on her hips.

When she smiled, it was easy to remember why I liked her so much. She had jet black hair with red streaks running through it. She had huge blue eyes and she knew how to use them to get me to do what she wanted, and she always dressed in skinny jeans and cute, girly tops. She was beautiful.

“Did you have a good time?” she asked.