Unintended

She fixed me with a ‘duh’ look. “Evie Bear, we’ve been friends since we were five years old. Of course I heard it. So…?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed, hating that the trip that was supposed to help me had made me feel worse. “This anxiety thing… it’s not too bad day to day, but when I was there, in that club, it was the worst it’s ever been. I shouldn’t have gone.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You’re not looking at the good parts. You drove all that way on your own. You stayed in a hotel alone. You ate dinner alone.”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?” Seriously, how many more ways could she highlight the fact that I was about three felines away from becoming a crazy cat lady?

She laughed. “Come on. You know what I mean. You never do stuff on your own,

but you did all of that. You have to feel a bit proud.”

“I probably should.” But my brain was somehow programmed to always focus on the things I hadn’t achieved, rather than the things I had. “I’m just disappointed I didn’t do everything I wanted to do. And also… it only served to make me see what’s wrong with my life.”

“Nothing’s wrong with your life, honey. Not really.”

“I know. That’s why feeling this way is so horrible. I am so lucky. I have amazing friends, and a great job, and a home, and I’m healthy. But right now, much more of me still feels like a failure. For not holding onto my husband. For…” I trailed off, shaking my head. I had to stop this. Had to stop focusing on everything I’d lost. It was annoying to me, so it must have been annoying the hell out of Keely. Although, I wasn’t sure I’d ever fully expressed any of this to her. Not since Jay and I first broke up, anyway.

Daisy began to wriggle on my lap and I lifted her up to my shoulder and held her against me, gently rubbing her back until she settle. She wound her little arms around my neck and I smiled. I was lucky. Especially to have this family in my life.

“What can I do to help?” Keely asked, her eyes heavy with worry. She knew me. She knew I wasn’t depressed; not in the typical sense, at least. I was down, not my usual self, but not in a dangerous way. However, she had seen me at my absolute lowest. Any sign of me falling that far backwards, and she was right there to prop me up.

“I think I need to figure out how to help myself,” I said honestly. “I know I’m not some feeble woman who has to rely on other people to do everything, but there are a lot of things I need to work out. I need to keep taking small steps until I’m ready to take another leap.”

She knew what I meant by a leap. Leap equalled man. I had a lot of baggage to unpack first though.

“Well…” Keely reached over for my hand. “You know you have my support.”

I nodded and smiled softly. “I know. The other thing is, Jay is still trying to get hold of me.”

I’d been keeping her up to date on every time he’d called or messaged me, and he’d tried to call that morning too. He never left messages though. If it was important enough for him to keep trying, why not tell me via voicemail, or at least drop a hint?

She rolled her eyes. “Still trying, huh? Well, that’s not going to make moving on any easier.”

“Nope. Maybe I should block his number, but then… what if he comes to the house? I don’t want to see him.”

“If you keep ignoring him, he might do that anyway,” she pointed out, making panic bolt through me.

Keely had always liked Jay, until things went to hell between us, but since then, since he met someone else and started a whole new life, she’d seen him as heartless. Once he’d left, that was it. And that was probably how it was meant to be when people split, but we’d suffered together, and Keely always felt that he could have at least checked in now and again.

“I would hate it if he just showed up,” I said with a sigh.

I felt my bag vibrate against my foot, and, assuming it was my mum telling me what time she expected me over for lunch tomorrow, or perhaps even Jay again, I said, “One sec. My phone is buzzing.”

I handed Daisy back to Keely and reached down for my phone. On the screen, instead of a text from my mother, was a notification of a new Twitter message.

Ash McKay: Hi. Was wondering if you were still thinking of getting a ticket to see Chaos In The Courtyard. They just posted that they only have a few tickets left. Didn’t want you to miss out.

Well, look at that. I smiled to myself. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him again once we’d gone home, but it was nice that he hadn’t forgotten about us maybe meeting up again.

But now I had a quick decision to make. Did I want to spend more time with this somewhat awkward guy who was pretty quiet most of the time? And how badly did I want to go to the show?

“Keels, is it weird for me to spend time with a guy who is younger than me?” The question flew from my lips like a bird escaping from a cage. Plus, I was eager to steer the subject away from Jay.

She shot me a questioning look. “What are you talking about?”

I briefly explained what had happened in Exeter when I’d met Ash, and how we’d had a drink and swapped contact information. Actually, we hadn’t swapped, I’d kinda forced it on him, but he’d accepted and messaged me first. That probably made it okay.

Right?