Unintended

Oscar threw himself at me and I only just managed to catch him, I was so lost in my thoughts.

I had to go.

“Come with me, little man,” I said, holding him in my arms then getting out of bed. I took him back to his room, with him protesting the whole way, insisting that Santa had been and he had to open his presents right away.

As I tucked him back in, his big eyes staring at me, I said, “Listen, sweetie. Auntie Evie has to go now, but I will come back later. Try to go back to sleep, okay? I promise you will get to open your presents soon, but Mummy and Daddy need you to sleep for a bit longer.” He pouted again, and I kissed his forehead. “I will see you later.”

“Bye, Auntie Evie.” He turned over onto his side, and I was certain there was no way he’d sleep again, but at least I’d tried.

I went back to my room and quickly changed, pulling on the jeans and plain black jumper I’d worn the day before instead of my more dressy Christmas Day clothes. I ran into the bathroom and quickly washed my face, more to wake myself up than anything, and hurriedly re-did my messy bun. That was all I cared to do. I just wanted to go.

I went back into my room and got all of my belongings together, then picked them up and put my bags down in the hallway, pausing for a second. Did I leave a note downstairs, or tell Keely and Nick I was leaving? After debating with myself for a moment, I decided I should let them know, so I knocked softly on their bedroom door, feeling awful for waking them up.

“Go back to bed, Oscar.” Nick’s groaned wo

rds made me laugh. I guessed that meant Oscar had tried them first before coming to me.

“It’s me,” I said quietly, opening the door a crack and peering in.

Nick blinked before looking at me. “Santa hasn’t been yet, Evie. Go back to sleep.”

I chuckled, and he smiled. “I’m sorry to disturb you,” I whispered, “But I have to go. Right now.”

“What’s wrong?” He glanced down at Keely who was still fast asleep beside him. Nothing could wake that girl. He looked as though he was considering trying, and I shook my head.

“It’s okay. Let her sleep. I… I had a phone call. One of my friends is in hospital, so I have to go.”

“Oh my God. Is everything okay?” He sat up a little.

“I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell me much over the phone.” Fear for what had happened to him, for how bad he must have been feeling, ran through me again. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I will try to come back later if I can, probably late afternoon.”

“Okay, do what you need to do, but let us know how things are going later, okay?”

I nodded. “I will. I should get going. I have to drive to Manchester. Say bye to everyone for me, and again, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, really. I hope your friend is okay.”

I gave him a small smile before stepping out and closing the door then I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the house.

I’d got to the hospital in good time, but the whole way, my mind was racing. I wished I knew what had happened to Ash. Wished I had spent more time talking to him the night before, or even in the days after we’d got home from Birmingham. Maybe if I’d just been there, if I’d offered him more support…

And yet, I knew. I knew because I’d been in that position too. I’d had the best support system but that never stopped me trying to take my own life. But even knowing it, the guilt still crept through me, settling into my stomach and making me feel sick. The whole way there, I had to keep sipping on my bottle of water—I always kept one in the car—just to try and settle it.

When I arrived and parked, I rushed inside, no idea where the hell I was going. I headed to the main reception desk and explained what had happened, that I’d been called, and the receptionist directed me to a ward on the third floor of the hospital, and told me to speak to the staff up there so they could take me to Ash.

I was shaking, palms sweaty as I went up in the lift. What was I even going to say to him when I got there? I wanted to be there for him, but we didn’t know each other that well. Not really. It made me sad that I was the first person he’d thought of to call; a virtual stranger he’d met at a gig. I knew his mum lived in Spain, but were there really no other friends? People he was close to? I didn’t mind at all that it was me, I just felt bad for him that there weren’t more people in his life.

I arrived on the third floor and immediately approached the first nurse I found.

“Excuse me,” I said, and the young, blonde-haired nurse turned to me, surprised. Of course she was surprised; it was just after six-thirty in the morning. Not visiting hours. “My name’s Evie. I was called because a friend of mine was admitted here earlier and was asking for me. I checked in at the main reception and they sent me here.”

She must have heard the panic in my voice, and she smiled gently. “You’re here for Ashley?”

I nodded, less shocked at the use of his full name this time. “Yes. Is he… is he okay?”

She shook her head. “Not great, but hopefully you being here will help. He hasn’t spoken in a while, and I know the police will be back here in a few hours to question him again.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly. “Police?”