Unintended

Ah, right. I’m in Oscar’s room.

After one of the most emotionally draining days I’d ever had, Keely had asked my mum and me to spend the night since it was late by the time we’d all eaten and relaxed. Mum had gone into the spare room, and Oscar had slept in Keely and Nick’s room while I took his bed. I was grateful for the offer, because, once I’d had a plateful of Christmas dinner and a glass of wine, I was completely and utterly wrecked. Exhausted from everything, and there was no way I would have been able to drive home. Nick would have taken Mum home, but I guessed she didn’t want to leave me. I wasn’t sure exactly what kind of emotion I’d been showing, but she was my mum. She could always read me, no matter what I told her.

It was still pretty early, and I knew hospital visiting hours weren’t until the afternoon, but given everything Ash had been through, I hoped I’d be able to go in earlier. I reached for my phone on my bedside table, pleased – sort of – to see I didn’t have any messages from Ash overnight. I sent him a quick text, asking how he was feeling, then called the hospital to see when I would be allowed in.

When I called, the receptionist put me through to a nurse on Ash’s ward, and she told me that he was much the same as he’d been the day before. Very quiet, not speaking much, and gave me permission to come in as early as I wanted. When we hung up, I found a text from Ash saying he was okay. Utter crap. I replied, letting him know I would be there sometime in the next couple of hours before getting up, picking up my bag, and heading to the bathroom for a quick shower.

Once I was dry and dressed, I went downstairs, the sounds of the kids giggling and toys growing louder with each step. I walked into the living room to find Keely on the floor playing with Oscar and Daisy, and Nick sitting on the sofa, holding a cup of coffee.

“Morning,” I said, smiling at them all. Gratitude filled me at the sight of my friends as I thought about what they’d done for me and my mum the day before. It might not have seemed like much to some, but to me, it meant a lot that they’d taken care of us.

“Morning, Evie,” Keely said, smiling back, and the kids looked up at me, grinning before going back to their toys.

“How are you doing?” Nick asked, and I sighed.

“I’m okay,” I said. Mainly because I haven’t had time to think properly yet. “Where’s Mum?”

Nick nodded towards the kitchen. “She’s having breakfast and coffee in peace.”

I chuckled. “I might go join her.”

I pushed through the door to the kitchen and smiled at the sight before me. My mum was sitting at the table, and spread out in front of her was Keely and Nick’s usual Boxing Day breakfast. I’d never actually witnessed it for myself before because I was always with my mum, and before that, with Jay, but I’d seen the photos. Plates filled with waffles, bacon, eggs, toast, a few boxes of cereal, plus syrups and jams were laid out, and my eyes widened.

“Help yourself,” Mum said with a grin. “I’ll make you some coffee.”

Her plate was empty but for a few crumbs when she stood up to make a drink, and I sat down and began filling my own plate.

“Wow,” I said. My stomach growled at the sight and smell of it all. “I’ve always wanted to try Keely and Nick’s breakfast on Boxing Day. This looks amazing.”

“It tastes it too,” Mum replied. “That bacon is the best I’ve ever had.”

At her words, I picked up another couple of rashers, and bit into a piece, a groan of delight leaving my mouth. “Wow,” I said again.

I figured not having eaten that much the day before was the reason I was shovelling so much on my plate. My stomach growled with each item I added, and as Mum came back over with my coffee, she placed it in front of me and then sat down again.

“So,” she said, and I could feel her eyes on me as I buttered some toast. “Will you be going back to see your friend again today?”

And here we go…

Having been emotionally wrung out yesterday, she’d held off on asking too much, but I knew I wouldn’t escape it forever.

I nodded. “Yeah. Once I’ve had breakfast and given you a lift home.” I glanced up at her and found concern in her eyes.

“Are you ready to tell me more about him yet?”

“Sure.” I blew out a breath. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, how long have you known him? Where did you meet him?”

I picked up the toast and took a bite, swallowing it down with some coffee while I considered my answer. I mean, it wasn’t as if there was anything wrong with the truth, but I still couldn’t quite get my head around the way it sounded.

But I also knew I couldn’t avoid this conversation forever.

“Remember when I went to Exeter a few weeks back?” I asked, and she nodded. “I met him there. I was having a panic attack and he was kind enough to talk to me until I calmed down. I left the venue and he stayed, then later, it turned out that we were staying in the same hotel. We talked for a bit, and he lives in Manchester, so we swapped social media details and said we might go see other bands together sometime.”

She kept looking at me, waiting for me to continue. And she was probably right to. There was a big leap from meeting someone at a gig to rushing to be at their bedside on Christmas Day.

It really didn’t seem like much to build a friendship on, not when you looked at it from a basic level. But it was more than that. Yeah, we had a lot of similar interests, especially when it came to music. But the biggest thing we had in common was knowing how it felt to live in darkness. To feel alone. To feel like there was nobody else who understood. And even though our experiences had been different, that feeling of being untethered, of just existing when the rest of the world was living, was the same.