Unintended

God, he looked good. He was wearing jeans and a smart, black button-down shirt. His black hair was messy, but then again, it always was. It was one of the strange little things that had attracted me to him in the beginning.

“What are you doing here?” Keely asked, breaking the silence, and as he walked towards us, people began to go on their way again, back to minding their own business.

“I knew Evie would be here tonight,” Jay said. It was as if my friends wanted to protect me as both Keely and Nick had stepped slightly in front of me, shielding me. “She’s always here at New Year. We used to come here together, or have you forgotten?”

I hadn’t forgotten, but I couldn’t get any words out. My chest tightened at the sight of him, all the memories both good and bad rushing through my mind, and I wanted to run.

This was why I hadn’t wanted to see him. I knew what would happen. I knew it would be overwhelming, and all those doors I still hadn’t yet closed would burst open, everything tumbling out in a mess of emotions I didn’t want to feel.

“I’m pretty sure Evie made it clear she didn’t want to see you,” Nick said firmly.

Jay nodded, his deep brown eyes finally meeting mine. “I know. And I’m sorry. I really am, but I can’t… I couldn’t be in town and not see you, Evie. I just want to talk.”

“What about?” I asked, my voice cracking a little, and I took a drink of my wine, hoping it would help.

“Can we please just go somewhere and talk?”

My heart. It felt like it was going to burst from my chest. I really didn’t want to do this, but since he hadn’t got the message the last time I’d told him I didn’t want to see him, what choice did I have? Maybe if I spoke to him for five minutes, we could put an end to it. He would leave and I could enjoy the rest of the evening knowing he wasn’t going to come back.

That didn’t make it any easier.

“Evie,” Keely said, turning to me. “What do you want to do?”

Drawing in a shaky breath, I said, “I’ll talk to him.”

She nodded, looking me in the eye, and I knew that she knew I would make that choice. To get it done and dusted once and for all. “You can use the spare room.”

“Thanks.” I turned to Ash, who was eyeing Jay with both suspicion and… something else I couldn’t quite read. Maybe it was protectiveness. He looked like he would be ready to throw Jay out himself if necessary. “I won’t be long,” I told him, and he nodded.

I handed Keely my glass, my hand still shaky, and Jay and I walked back through the party and up the stairs to Keely’s spare room. Once inside, Jay sat down on the bed, but I just closed the door and leaned back against it. I needed to feel the door handle in my hand, reminding me I could leave any time I wanted.

The room was dark, but I didn’t want to put the light on. I could see him well enough from the light streaming through from outside.

“Evie, please. Will you sit down?”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to. This wasn’t fair, Jay. Showing up like this, unannounced. It wasn’t fair.”

“I know.” He ran his hands roughly through his hair, and now I was closer to him, I saw he looked tired. His eyes were dark and he’d lost weight. But even with all of that being true, he was still Jay. The good-looking boy I’d fallen in love with. The sweet guy I’d married.

I was hit by a wave of guilt for dodging him when he seemed so desperate to talk to me, but I’d needed to protect myself. Needed to keep the distance we both promised to keep. Face to face… I couldn’t avoid anything anymore.

“What’s going on, JJ?” I asked, my nickname for him falling from my lips as if no time had passed at all, and his eyes softened.

His hand ran idly across the duvet cover he sat on, his gaze moving away from me to look around the room. “Who was that guy downstairs?”

Of course he’d be wondering about that.

“He’s… a friend,” I said, not wanting to tell him more. I didn’t owe him any kind of explanation about Ash. Or anything, really.

“Just a friend?”

I sighed. “Jay, what do you want? Why are you here?”

“I miss you, okay?” he snapped, looking up at me again. “I miss you, and I miss us, and I needed to see you. To be around you.”

He looked so lost. A physical embodiment of the pain I’d heard in his voice on the phone.

“Why?” I asked, my voice almost a whisper. “Why do you miss me?”