It didn’t sound stupid to me at all. Not in that situation. It sounded to me like Evie and Jay had loved each other a lot, and even if that was over, perhaps sex equalled closure for them.
If it was just going to be one time.
“You’re not… getting back together?” I asked carefully, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Absolutely not.” Evie straightened up, pushing her hair from her face. “I won’t be seeing him again now. He’s going back to Scotland in a couple of days. So, we basically wished each other well, and that was that.”
I wasn’t sure why that made me so relieved. I think it was because, if they had got back together, it might have been a step backwards for her. And she’d slowly been moving forwards. Learning to live on her own. She’d never led me to believe that Jay had held her back from doing anything, just that married life made her grow up quickly, but she seemed to have changed even from the time I’d met her up until then. Like she was starting to lose some of her fears. If she re-entered a relationship right then, especially with someone she’d already been with, maybe some of that would go away again.
“Okay,” I said. “Do you want to go get a drink?”
She nodded, pushing herself up to stand. “I really do.” As I stood up too, she paused and said, “Are you okay?”
She couldn’t possibly have noticed that weird feeling I’d had when I first realised what she’d just done, right?
“Yeah,” I said with a small cough. “Fine. Why?”
She shook her head. “It’s just you were out here on your own.” Then guilt crossed her features. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long. If you want to leave, we can.”
“I wasn’t trying to leave,” I assured her. “Natalie sent me a Happy New Year text and I needed a breather.”
Evie’s eyes widened. “Wow. Did you answer?”
“Nope. Deleted and blocked her number. New Year, new start.”
She smiled. “Sounds good to me!”
Nine Weeks Later
“Happy freaking birthday to me.”
The two lines stared up at me from the stick I’d peed on a few minutes ago. I was still holding it, leaning against the sink, my eyes unmoving.
I was pretty sure my body had gone into some kind of shock, because this… this couldn’t be right.
Of course it is. The signs were there. Missed period. Feelings of nausea and a couple of days throwing up in the mornings. Thumping headaches.
A tear dripped onto my hand. My trembling hand.
This was not the thirtieth birthday present I’d wanted. And, sure, I could have let it wait for one more day, but I’d been putting it off for a week as it was.
Shit. People were going to be expecting me to drink later, and now I couldn’t. What would I tell them?
Seriously. That’s your first thought? My mind mocked me, but there were so many things racing through my mind,
one of them had to come out first.
Ash was the only person who knew what happened between Jay and me on New Year’s Eve. And if he hadn’t seen me coming out of the bedroom, I wouldn’t have told anyone. It was nobody’s business.
I closed my eyes, remembering that night. God, connecting with him again had been so goddamn emotional, and so good, but it wasn’t the way it used to be. All the feelings we’d shared were old feelings, like a fondness for someone you used to care deeply for. It wasn’t as if we were trying to re-kindle something, it was like we were letting it go, and it had been amazing, but it was the end.
Until it wasn’t.
I took one last look at the stick before throwing it into the bin and washing my hands.
What I wanted to do was blow off my birthday plans and hibernate until I’d figured out what I was going to do. What I had to do was shower and get ready because Ash was coming over in a couple of hours.
Ash had moved into his own flat a few weeks ago, in Stockport, not too far from my house. He’d also quit his old job in Manchester and got another job in a bar in Stockport, and started writing for a music blog. It wasn’t a major publication, but it was a first step for him in reviewing bands, and it paid. He’d bought a second hand laptop from Nick so he could work, and although his furniture was still minimal in his new place, he had everything he needed and was enjoying getting new stuff whenever he could. His confidence wasn’t as high as it could have been, but it was better. He wasn’t as jumpy anymore. I no longer had to ask permission before giving him a hug, and he wasn’t as hesitant of touching me. We’d grown close in the time he’d lived with me and I couldn’t deny that I missed him being in the house. However, he needed his own place. He needed to prove to himself that he could stand on his own two feet again and I was proud of him for doing so.