Unintended

Three weeks later

It was as if my entire life had been on hold until this moment. Scan day at the hospital. The moment of truth.

My appointment was at eleven a.m., but I was in the hospital waiting room at ten-thirty, my bladder full because I’d been instructed that it somehow made the reading easier, and I was walking up and down in front of a row of blue plastic chairs. I was sure I was making everyone else who was waiting nervous, but I couldn’t stop.

Keely and Ash had watched me for five minutes before eventually, Keely grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto the chair beside her. “For the love of God, sit still!” she hissed, and I heard Ash try to stifle a laugh at her tone.

It wasn’t the time for laughing, though. I mean, under different circumstances, I probably would have seen the humour, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Also, when she’d moved me that fast, I’d almost wet my pants, but she was right. I did need to sit down. And I knew she was as anxious as I was.

I started tapping my feet on the floor, trying to distract myself from needing to pee and what was about to happen.

I’d done a really good job of blocking it out for the last couple of weeks. Well, as much as I could in between throwing up every morning, and feeling like I wanted to eat everything in my house, including the actual kitchen cupboards, for the rest of the day.

When I’d told Keely I was pregnant, she had reacted very differently to Ash. Firstly, she was shocked I’d slept with Jay. In her house. At her party. But after that, she was kind of… cautiously excited. I’d expected her to be more cautious, like me. Instead, she started talking about letting me have some of Oscar or Daisy’s baby clothes as she still had Oscar’s and Daisy would be out of hers by the time my baby was born.

I was far from thinking about any of that yet. I was trying to take each thing a step at a time.

Ash had been amazing. He’d been supportive and hadn’t made me talk about the upcoming scan. The few times I’d wanted to, he’d listened, but when I didn’t want to, he didn’t push me. I was starting to wonder what I’d done without him in my life. That wasn’t to say Keely hadn’t been helpful, just that her optimism was mor

e than I could deal with. I appreciated it, I just wasn’t ready to believe it yet.

“Evangeline West?”

I jumped at the sound of my name, and my mouth went dry. The sonographer was waiting for me to make myself known, and Keely nudged me.

“Yeah,” I said, forcing the word out through my parched lips. “I’m here.”

Keely and Ash stood up, and I did too, trying to keep my composure as we walked towards the room that would seal my fate. Where I’d find out if my baby was okay.

The stupid thing was, this wasn’t even where everything had gone wrong last time. The twelve and twenty weeks scans were good. No signs of any problems. So, as much as I had been saying I would feel better once this scan was done, that wasn’t strictly true. But it was a starting point.

Once we were inside the room, the sonographer, an older lady with kind blue eyes, smiled and said, “Hi, Evangeline. I’m Debbie.”

I nodded and shook her hand. “Please, call me Evie.” I introduced her to Keely and Ash, and she greeted them with another bright smile.

“Okay, Evie. If you could hop up onto the couch and loosen your jeans and lift up your top, we can get started.”

Ash paled a little. “Maybe I should wait outside.”

I rested my hand on his arm, but couldn’t help laughing. “It’s okay. I only have to pull down my jeans a bit, and the same with my top. I won’t be flashing anything, I swear.”

His cheeks reddened as quickly as they’d paled, and he nodded.

I looked over to where I was supposed to sit, seeing all of the equipment waiting for me, and without warning, a wave of dizziness hit me and I couldn’t breathe. I leaned back against Ash and he grabbed me around the waist, holding me up. Both Keely and Debbie rushed towards me.

I hadn’t lost consciousness and I knew I wasn’t going to, I was just knocked off my feet by the fear that suddenly gripped me, and I turned around in Ash’s arms, holding onto him, tears falling from my eyes.

“I can’t,” I said. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Ash said softly, and I felt Keely and Debbie backing away. “You can do this. We’re here with you whatever happens, okay? We’ve got you.”

I nodded against him, but I couldn’t seem to stop my tears. It was as if holding everything in for so long had led to the dam finally bursting. I’d spent more time crying into Ash’s t-shirts than doing anything else lately, and I peeled myself away from him, trying to pull myself together, and Debbie said, “Evie, is there something you’re worried about?”

I opened my mouth but no words came out. I glanced at Keely and nodded. There was no way I would be able to explain.

“Erm,” she began, her own voice clogged with emotion, “a couple of years ago, Evie had a late miscarriage. I think it’s technically considered a still birth, but, anyway, she’s… she’s worried it’ll happen again.”

Debbie gave me an understanding smile and took my hand. “This is more common than you might think,” she said softly. “And while I wish I could promise you this pregnancy will be perfect, what I can tell you is that if anything happens, we will do all we can to support you.”