“Where’s Ash?” I whispered.
The last thing I remembered was him trying to help me up while calling for an ambulance. After that, there was nothing. If it weren’t for him… I shook my head, refusing to think about the possibilities.
Mum and Keely glanced at each other, and the elation I’d felt a second ago vanished into nothingness.
“He’s at the police station,” Mum said. “He’s giving them a statement on what happened today. Not just at your house, but at his too.”
“I don’t understand.” I looked at Keely. “What happened at Ash’s?”
Keely sighed. “You did see Natalie going into his flat earlier. But it was all part of a huge misunderstanding. Ash thought it was Natalie who sent him the photos. That’s why he didn’t call to thank you. He thought she’d done it. And he went to her place yesterday to thank her in person, but also to tell her to stay away from him. That was why she was so angry today. She went to his first, and, I don’t know, I guess she thought she could still control him, but he threw her out, and that’s when she came to your place.”
“But… how did Ash know she was at my house?”
“He didn’t.” She winced before speaking. “It was a coincidence. Please don’t be angry, but I called him to find out what the hell was going on, and then he explained and…”
I held up my hand to stop her. That was a lot of information to get all at once.
“You know what, maybe I should just wait and ask him everything myself,” I said after a moment. It would be easier that way.
I had to see him. He’d saved me. And even more than that, he’d done something he’d never done the whole time he was with Natalie. He fought back. He pulled her away from me and threw her out, even though she could have hurt him like she had so many times before. I needed to thank him and hug him and just… be with him.
I needed to be with him.
“That’s the thing,” my mum said quietly, and Keely stood up, pacing the room as if she didn’t want to look at me.
“What’s the thing?” Dread began to consume me again.
“He’s not coming back,” Keely said, still not looking at me. “He thinks you won’t want to talk to him.”
I felt my brows furrow. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because he thinks this is all his fault. If he hadn’t made the mistake with the photos, he wouldn’t have gone to see Natalie, and she wouldn’t have done what she did. He was kind of a mess when he left.”
I looked at my mum, and even she had tears in her eyes again. “He’s devastated about what she did to you,” Mum said. “He stayed here long enough to find out if the babies were okay, but once that was confirmed, he said he had to go. He also said…” Mum trailed off and lowered her head. A tear dripped onto her lap and that scared me more than anything. Although she liked Ash, she’d also sort of made it clear that she wouldn’t have been that happy if we were more than friends. Perhaps she’d changed her mind since he’d rescued her daughter and grandchildren from a maniac.
“What?” I asked, my voice breaking.
“He said not to call him,” Keely finished, turning to face me at last. “Evie, seeing you like you were when he found you really messed with his head. I’ve never seen him like that before. He kept talking to you, and he was stroking your hair, and-” she paused to wipe away some tears. “He kept saying he was sorry, and that if you and the babies were all okay, he’d stay away from you so nothing like this ever happened again. I told him that isn’t what you’d want but it was like he couldn’t hear me. He just wanted you to be okay.”
Shaking my head, I said, “Keely, you have to find him. Tell him I need him here.”
“I did!” she insisted. “I practically begged him to stay until you woke up, but he really thought you wouldn’t want to see him.”
How? How had this happened? And how could he ever have thought I wouldn’t want him around?
He’d changed so much over the last few months. I’d watched him find his confidence, seen him smile again, and I’d witnessed him being brave enough to take Natalie on.
Yet he still had doubts. Still thought I would blame him for something that wasn’t his fault.
And I couldn’t even be angry with him for it. I knew that having someone constantly putting you down wasn’t something you got over in weeks, or even months. And when that person often placed blame on you for things you hadn’t done, and moved the goalposts of what she did or didn’t find acceptable, it just made it even more challenging.
I wasn’t angry, I was sad. Hurting because I knew he was hurting.
“Then what do I do?” I asked quietly. “Tell me what to do.”
Keely shook her head slowly. “I don’t know.”
I’d had bad times in my life. Awful, awful times. Knowing Ash was out there somewhere, blaming himself for what Natalie did to me, was right up there with the worst of it. My body ached from the blows Natalie had managed to rain on me, but they were nothing compared to the constant ache in my chest, knowing Ash would be torturing himself over what happened, thinking I would be angry with him.