Unintended

I ran into the conservatory and then into my tiny back garden, stopping by the door. Ash was still standing under the umbrella as the rain continued to fall.

When his eyes met mine, still filled with pain and regret, and a little uncertainty, there was so much I wanted to say to him.

But there were no words that could truly convey any of it.

I ran to him, ducking under the umbrella to stand with him.

“Ash,” I began, but he shook his head to stop me. He looked so afraid, but I knew there was something he wanted to say so I just looked up at him, waiting.

He swallowed hard, tears slowly dripping down his cheeks. “Last year, Evie, you ran into my life in the rain and changed everything. You didn’t judge me, you just reached out, and while I didn’t understand why at the time, I really wanted to take your hand. You led me out of the darkest time of my fucking life, and I would never have made it without you.” He paused, wiping some tears away with his free hand. “I’ve wanted to tell you so many times how much you mean to me, how I feel about you, but each time, I told myself it wasn’t the right time. That you wouldn’t want me anyway.”

A knot formed in my stomach, pulling tight as I felt the pain in his words. I wanted to touch him so much it hurt, but I didn’t want to interrupt him now.

“I’m so sorry,” he went on. “I’m sorry I misunderstood about the photos and I’m even more sorry about what happened after.” He paused again, a small, choked sob leaving his throat. “I was so scared when I found you. I thought she’d really hurt you, and that she might have hurt the babies too, and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t handle it. I really thought that I’d fucked up any chance I might have had because of what she did. What I did. I didn’t want to leave that hospital, Evie. I didn’t. But I also didn’t want to hear you telling me you hated me. That you didn’t want to see me again.”

Shaking my head, I said, “I never blamed you, Ash.”

“I know. I should have known that, but, as much as I wanted to believe it, and Keely told me over and over, I couldn’t believe her. All I could hear was that fucking voice in my head telling me I was useless. That this was one more thing I could add to my list of messes I’d made.”

“So… what changed?” My voice was so quiet I was surprised he even heard me.

“Jay.” Ash laughed a little through his tears. “Keely directed him to my flat and he was about ready to kill me with his bare hands. Not because of what happened, but because I ran. Let’s just say he made me realise I needed to sort my shit out because… living without you? Well, that’s just not an option.”

The ache in my chest eased, even though my heart had been pounding since the moment I saw him from my bedroom window.

“Are you sure?” I asked him. All I could hear was the sound of the rain on his umbrella and splashing on the

ground around us. “Because, Ash, I have a ton of my own baggage to cart around with me, and soon I’m not going to be one person, but three. That’s a whole lot to take on.”

Looking into my eyes and letting out a slow, shaky breath, he lifted his free hand to my cheek. “You could be having ten babies, and I’d still want to be with you.”

Trying to control my own breathing and see through the tears racing down my face, I stepped closer to him. His hand slipped around to the back of my neck and I rested my hands on his hips.

Everything felt different now. This wasn’t just two friends about to hug each other. Two friends supporting each other because they were in pain.

This was more, and we were both trembling. Some of it was from the rain soaking into our clothes, but mostly, it was the tremors of two people who were about to take a brand new step together.

Slowly, he leaned down, his mouth just a fraction from mine. I closed my eyes, breathing him in, and he whispered, “I love you, Evangeline West.”

His use of my full name, and the feel of his breath on my skin made me shiver, and I whispered back, “I love you too.”

His lips met mine slowly, gently, and I pressed myself into him, butterflies taking flight in my stomach. As if sensing my need to be closer, Ash dropped the umbrella and wound his arms around me, kissing me harder and moving his hands up into my wet hair.

“Just so you know,” he said, his voice breathy from our kiss, “one day, I’m going to take you back to that bridge, our bridge, where you can see the lights on the water again for real instead of this low budget version. And…” He looked up to the sky for a moment before looking back at me, raindrops rolling down his cheeks, “maybe for once, it won’t fucking rain.”

Laughing, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I brushed my lips against his. “It wouldn’t be the same without the rain.”

Christmas Day

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I said, looking into the cot at Jay’s house where my two baby daughters were fast asleep.

They were still so tiny. Both weighing just five pounds when they were born, they had certainly grown, but to me, they still looked like newborns, even though they were coming up to four months old now.

This was the first time Ash and I were leaving them overnight, and I could almost feel my heart breaking in my chest. Jay had taken them out from when they were only a month old, but he always brought them back at night. He’d only moved back to Stockport permanently a few weeks ago, so this was really new for him too. I knew he was a bit nervous, but his mum lived just around the corner, and she was planning to come over and sit with him for a few hours later, just to keep him calm.

We’d had the best Christmas Day ever. A far cry from the year before, when Ash had been lying in a hospital bed. That all seemed like so long ago when we woke up this Christmas morning with these two angels beside us. All normal traditions had been broken, and we’d gone over to Jay’s parents’ house for the day, including my mum, so we could all be together for the babies’ first Christmas.

“They’ll be fine,” Ash said, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “And you know we can be here in a few minutes if anything happens. Not that it will,” he added quickly.