Looking Inside

“Really?” Eleanor asked, taken aback by his confident denial.

“Yeah. I’m not lying. Your new style does look great on you. I’m sure most people would agree. Didn’t you notice the way all the men at Gold Coast were drooling over you last night? You probably didn’t, since Riordan was one of them, and you weren’t looking anywhere but at him.”

She flushed, taken off guard at the very idea of Trey drooling over her.

“Then . . . what’s the problem?”

Jimmy shrugged and picked up his coffee cup. “The problem is you don’t seem to believe in your new look. Not completely.”

“Okay. So I’m working on my self-confidence. So what? What’s that got to do with Caddy?”

“This new look only appeared once Caddy passed.”

She grimaced. “I told you why that was. She told me to live my life, step out of the shadows . . . stop being so afraid,” Eleanor added in a small voice.

Jimmy nodded. “I know. And I’m glad Caddy did that. She was an amazing sister. She was amazing, period.”

Eleanor just nodded, her throat feeling tight.

“But the thing of it is, Eleanor, Caddy wasn’t telling you to be someone different.”

“Oh no,” Eleanor exclaimed, a tear shooting out of her eyes unexpectedly. Jimmy started at her atypical reaction.

“Jesus, Eleanor. I’m sorry, I didn’t know it’d—”

“Have you been talking to my mother?” She wiped at her cheek irritably. “She thinks I’m grieving unnaturally, as well.”

Jimmy reached across the table and grabbed one of her hands.

“Eleanor.” She blinked away more tears at his abrupt gesture and met his stare reluctantly. “Of course I haven’t been talking to Catherine about you. Do you think I’d do that behind your back?”

She shook her head.

“I don?

?t think there’s anything unnatural about you or your grief or your new look. I think Caddy would have loved the fact that you’re giving her clothes a spin. I just think she’d want you to feel comfortable with what you’re doing. She’d want you to own it all.”

“Versus playacting at it?” Eleanor sniffed. “Well, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither will Eleanor be.”

Jimmy looked like he was about to say something else, but then he seemed to think better of it. He released her hand and sat back.

“Maybe you’re right about that. Everything works itself out, in time,” he conceded. “So . . . when do you think you’ll see Riordan again?”

Eleanor paused to compose herself. What was wrong with her, getting so emotional all of a sudden? It was this thing with Trey that was making her feel so frayed. Or maybe it was her worry that her mom was right, and this was all about Caddy. About grief.

She didn’t understand her own motivations anymore.

“I don’t know. Trey’s going to find out that I’m not being honest with him eventually,” she confessed miserably.

“What are you talking about?” Jimmy asked. “What aren’t you being honest about?”

Everything.

She gave a bark of laughter. “I’ve led him to believe I’m as coldhearted as someone like Alessandra, for one. I’ve told him I’m fine with a no-strings-attached sexual relationship.”

Jimmy gave her a sharp glance over his cup of coffee. “That is what you went into this wanting. Isn’t it? You wanted to climb Mount Riordan and plant your flag.”

Mortification swept through her. “Don’t remind me. It sounds horrible hearing it. I was no better than a guy intent on one thing: sexual conquest.”