Lifelong Affair

She kept thinking he would come home, that his anger would cool and he would come back and they would talk. But the hours passed and there was no sign of him, no powerful engine in the driveway to tell of his return, just an empty silence. As empty as the rest of her life was going to be without him . ..

She had been a fool, she knew that now; she had known it the moment Alex walked out of the door. He hadn't had an affair with Olenna, he was too honourable a man for that. He might have found Glcnna attractive, might even have wanted to make love to her because of her similarity to her sister, but he would never have made love to his brother's wife. Courtney was not his child.

She groaned low in her throat, convinced now that she had misjudged Alex in the worst way possible. She should have known this as soon as Janet Fairchild told the lie, should have known her husband well enough to believe in him. And now he had gone to another woman, convinced that she no longer wanted him, that her enjoyment of their lovemaking had been a sham, a way of trapping him into some sort of physical tic to her, the same tic his friend had known. He might not be trapped, but she was, knew that she would never leave him, never.

He hadn't returned by morning, and dressing Courtney in warm clothes she drove out to see her mother-in-law. She could hardly telephone Rita and ask if Alex had spent the night there! This way the visit would look like a casual one; she and Courtney often went over to see Rita in the day now, declaring a truce for Courtney's sake.

After half an hour Rita hadn't so much as mentioned Alex, and her own casual mentions of him received only a normal response. Alex hadn't spent the night here.

'Would you mind taking care of Courtney for a while?' Morgan asked her mother-in-law. 'I have some shopping to do, and he's only just got over a fever.'

Rita smiled. 'You know I'll love to have him. Leave him here any time you want to.'

Morgan drove to Janet's house, her anger burning to a fury. She shouldn't have listened to the other woman's spiteful words of accusation, but that didn't excuse Janet's need to say them in the first place. She would put an end to this vindictivencss once and for all.

Janet seemed surprised to see her when she was shown into the lounge, putting her magazine down to stand up slowly. 'Have you come to say goodbye?' she taunted.

'No,' Morgan told her abruptly.

'No?' She raised dark brows. 'Then you have less pride than I thought.'

'Less sense, you mean,' Morgan retorted angrily, 'For even listening to you. I don't know why you did it, what you hoped to achieve, but I've come here to call you a liar—a vicious, vindictive liar!'

The other woman looked unruffled. 'Is that whatAlex told you?' she drawled.

lAlex hasn't told me anything,' she snapped, 'because I haven't bothered him with this.'

'Then maybe you should.'

'Why? So that he can be disgusted I would even listen to such lies?' Morgan derided.

Janet flushed. 'If it's the truth '

'You know it isn't,' she shook her head. 'Alex is hard, cynical, but he's also totally honest. He would never have touched Glenna.'

'No?'

'No!' Morgan was breathing hard in her anger. 'I'll only say this once, Janet, and you'd better listen. I don't ever want these filthy lies repeated to anyone else, and if they are you'll regret it!'

'Are you threatening me?' Janet scorned.

'You'd better believe it! I just hope you haven't already ruined my marriage to Alex.'

'And what are you threatening me with?' Janet derided.

believe your husband and children love you very much,' Morgan said softly, seeing how the other woman blanched. 'Think what it would do to them to know how bitter and twisted you are inside.'

'Get out!' Janet hissed fiercely. 'Just get out!'

'I'm going,' Morgan said calmly. 'But I hope you take note of this warning. I have no idea why you feel the need to destroy other people's happiness, but bitterness like yours should be controlled or it will take over your whole life. Think about it, Janet, and treasure what you have—a husband and two beautiful children.'

Janet didn't answer her, but she knew by her pale face that her point had gone home. She just hoped it worked! Rita's dislike had been just that, pure and simple, but Janet's feelings of resentment went much further—destructively so; she could even need professional help.

But settling the problem of Janet's lies hadn't helped her find Alex, and the fact that he had been with another woman all night became a stronger possibility by the minute.

She stopped off at the shops and bought a few things for Courtney before going back to her mother-in-law's, remembering that she was supposed to be shopping; she doubted if either Janet or herself relished the idea of their conversation of this morning becoming known to anyone but themselves.

Courtney was asleep when she got back to Rita's, so she carried him straight out to the car, anxious to get home in case there had been any word from Alex, making her hasty excuses to her mother-in-law after thanking her for taking care of Courtney.

There hadn't been so much as a telephone call from Alex when she got back, and her heart sank. Where was he!

She carried out the normal routine of her day as if by instinct, taking care of Courtney, instructing Mrs Whitney on the menus for the rest of the week, subconsciously wondering if she would still be around to eat the food. After last night she doubted it.

She lay down herself while Courtney had his afternoon nap, and the next thing she knew it was mid-afternoon—and she was no longer alone in the bedroom! She had drawn the curtains before she went to sleep, but even in the gloom of the room she could clearly see a figure in the bedroom chair. Alex!

She struggled to sit up, suddenly wide awake. 'You came back,' she said huskily, uncertainly.

He moved slightly in the chair, his eyes gleaming in the darkness. 'Yes,' he answered abruptly. 'It is my home, after all. Would you like me to ring Mrs Whitney for some tea?'

Her tongue was cleaved to the roof of her mouth, but she knew the dryness owed nothing to thirst. Shecould hardly believe Alex was here. And although he still seemed distant, he no longer appeared to be angry. 'No, thank you,' she refused gruffly. 'Alex, I think we should talk'

'I quite agree. He stood up to switch on the bedside lamp, the room instantly bathed in a golden glow. 'And I think it had better be now.'

If she had been tired from her sleepless night Alex looked doubly so, with deep lines etched into his face, his mouth a forbidding line. 'The baby '

'Downstairs with Mrs Whitney,' he dismissed abruptly, and sat beside her on the bed, looking down at her with dark eyes. 'I'm so angry with you I should strangle you!' he ground out.

Morgan swallowed hard. 'I know. And I'm sorry. I have no excuse for the way I've been behaving. I

'No excuse?' he repeated grimly. 'No excuse/' he repeated fiercely.

'No,' she shook her head, grasping his arms so that he shouldn't leave her, quivering just from the feel of his warmth. ' can't explain why I've been acting the way I have, I just—I want you to know I'm over it now, and—and if you'll forgive me I would very much like to be your complete wife again.' She looked at him anxiously, searching for some sign of softening towards her in that hard face. There was none.

His eyes were narrowed to icy slits. 'Why can't you explain? Don't you think I'm owed an explanation?'

'God yes,' she groaned. 'But I can't give you one.'

'Why'not?'

'I just can't!'

You little fool!' He shook her, his eyes glittering dangerously. 'How can you still protect her after the harm she tried to do to us?'

Morgan stiffened, her eyes widening at the fierceness of his expression. 'Wh-What do you mean?' she quivered, this time with uncertainty.

I

He sighed. 'Janet came to see me,' he told her flatly. 'She told me all that she'd taunted you with— everything.' He stood up, moving away from her.

She swung her legs to the floor and sat up to look at him anxiously. 'Janet came to see you?' she repeated dazedly. 'How did she know where you were?' she frowned.

' wasn't too difficult to find,' he derided. 'I'm usually at my office at two o'clock on a Wednesday afternoon.'

'Your office...' she choked weakly. 'I never thought to look for you there.

Alex looked at her sharply. 'Why would you look for me at all? You wanted to leave, remember?'

She swallowed convulsively. Janet had told him everything, and he was so disgusted with her for believing such lies about him that he couldn't bear her around any more.

'I think your sister is ill.' She didn't answer his question.

'I know that now,' he nodded. 'And so, thank God, does she.'

'She does?' Morgan frowned.

'Yes,' he sighed, his hands thrust into his trouser pockets. 'She didn't come to see me to cause more trouble, Morgan, she came to try and make right a serious wrong. Whatever you said to her this morning certainly brought her to her senses. She's going to seek professional help.'

'But why is she like that?' She tried to delay the inevitable, that of having Alex ask her to leave his life.

'Janet isn't the only one to blame for the way she is—we all are. Oh, not you,' he dismissed. 'You weren't even here when it happened. It's the rest of us that have been so damned insensitive,' he bit out grimly. "You see, eighteen months ago Janet lost a baby. She hadn't realised she was pregnant, and she continued with the hectic pace of her life as usual. By the time she realised what had happened it was too late. She lost the baby at only three months—a little boy,' he finished softly.

Tears filled Morgan's eyes at the suffering Janet had kept hidden from everyone, the agony of losing a baby.

Alex seemed not to notice her tears but continued talking. 'Of course we all expressed sympathy, the sort of inane remarks that everyone spouts at such a time, nothing that really meant very much, or eased her pain. Then Glenna became pregnant,' he said harshly. 'Everyone was overjoyed by the news, and Janet's loss was forgotten. Can you imagine what it did to her, to see Glenna growing with a healthy child, to see the attention she was getting, and know that some of it should have been hers?'