His eyebrows went up at her droll tone. She smiled and shook her head.
“Believe it or not, I have less of a problem believing that than I do the whole vampire thing. You’re not exactly typical, Saint. How can you possibly believe you’re soulless, though?”
“I have no vitessence…no lifeforce. I have to feed off humans’ vitessence in order to survive.” He glanced away from her perplexed stare. “I’m not like Teslar, draining a human’s vitessence—their very soul—until death. He’s not only a soul-eater, but a fear-eater. The taste of fear is acid on my tongue. It’s ambrosia to my clone.”
“Saint,” she said softly, leaning toward him. His nostrils flared when he caught a strong waft of her clean skin and the woman-scent beneath it. “You think Teslar is the Youngblood Thief, don’t you?”
He met her gaze and nodded once.
She exhaled shakily.
“How can you even begin to believe you’re like him? He’s a sociopathic killer…a rabid animal—”
“I am like him, Christina. I’m a parasite on your species. Humans have what I need, and I can’t exist without it. I take, but I can’t give. You’ll do best to remember that.”
He paused when he saw her flinch at his harshness. He closed his eyes tightly, but the image of her beautiful, confused face remained emblazoned on the back of his eyelids. He braced himself against the wave of pain that shuddered through his flesh.
It hurt him equally as much to consider her falling under his influence, however. He’d sensed his fate creeping up on him ever since she’d begun to pursue him more aggressively. He’d had to find a way to push her away, to demonstrate to her the impossibility of their union.
Once he’d done so, however, he’d discovered he was weaker than he’d ever imagined. The prospect of living without Christina left him breathless, like a powerful blow had just struck his heart. It had shamed him to have to try to convince her to stay and resume their platonic relationship, but he’d practically drowned in self-loathing ever since he’d fallen on her in her office like an animal. Now, because of Teslar’s attack, she’d seen more of his vicious nature than he’d ever wanted.
What’s more, now that Teslar knew of her and Aidan’s existence, they were no longer safe anywhere except for Whitby’s grounds. How was he going to explain that to her?
“Saint.”
He opened his eyes reluctantly when he heard how close she sounded. She’d moved and now perched on the edge of his Adirondack chair, near enough for him to see the light freckles sprinkled across her perfect nose.
“That’s why you’ve been pushing me away? Because you believe you’re soulless? Because you think you can only take from me and give nothing in return?”
“I don’t think it, Christina. Kavya told me long ago that it’s true, but even if he hadn’t, I would have known it for fact. I am an empty vessel. I only feel full, energized…alive after I feed off another’s vitessence.”
“Saint, you’re mistaken. You do possess a soul.”
He was unable to speak temporarily when he saw the message in her green eyes. His hand suddenly appeared on her cheek, surprising him. He slowly stroked the silk of her skin.
“How is your jaw?”
“It’s fine. My cheek is cut on the inside, but at least I didn’t lose any teeth. Don’t try to change the subject. How can you believe you don’t have a soul? You do. I would know it if you were soulless.”
“You possess such a singularly powerful soul that you cast your light onto everyone around you. Didn’t you wonder why you were able to fell that revenant tonight—Jacob Crane—with just a touch of your bare skin against his?”
She looked confused and he shook his head, frustrated at his feeble attempts to describe the simple reality of his world. Who knew better than he how rich her lifeforce was…how magical?
Her mere touch could make a revenant burn.
“I may not be as foul as a Scourge revenant—” he noticed her confused expression at the term and added, “—those things in the subway, Teslar’s followers—but I am still an empty vessel. The only thing you see in me is the reflection of your brilliance in my eyes. I have no more of a soul than the mirror that reflects your face does, Christina.”
Chapter Seven
She leaned into his hand, the pulse at her throat throbbing into his palm. When she began to come toward him, her lips parted, her vitessence pouring into his cells, her scent filling his nose, Saint erected an energy barrier with an extreme effort of will. She blinked, and he knew she’d felt the sudden break in their connection.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
“Yes,” he said softly before he removed his hand from her face. “We have to talk about Teslar. I’m sorry about what happened tonight. Alison told me she planned to meet Teslar at the Clark and Division stop, but I decided to follow her once she got off the Blue Line. I didn’t expect you and Aidan to be with her. Now that Teslar has seen you two face to face, he won’t rest until he has you. The two of you possess the strongest vitessences I’ve ever witnessed in my life, and that encompasses a good portion of recorded history. You shine like a thousand suns in my eyes. It’s the same for Teslar and the Scourge revenants. You’re not safe anywhere, save here at Whitby, where Kavya has provided me with a protective ward, of sorts. I can’t allow you and Aidan to leave until I’ve thought of a way to protect you outside the grounds.”
Her spine stiffened. “I won’t live in fear, Saint. I’m sure if we call the police and let them know about the identity of the Youngblood Thief—”
“We’re not going to the police.”