He held up his hand. “It’s fine, Jules. You don’t want anyone seeing us together. I get it. Nothing has changed since we were eighteen. I should just be happy we finally slept together. Unfortunately, finding you gone when I woke up put a sour taste in my mouth.”
“And going downstairs to find you’d signed the divorce papers left a bitter taste in mine.”
Heath’s eyes narrowed at her for a moment before he relaxed back against the seat. “I signed those last night after you left me on the couch, alone and wanting you once again. I assure you that making love to you in the shower at three a.m. was not in my plan at the time.”
Julianne shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Heath. We both know it’s what we need to do. What we’ve needed to do for a very long time. I’m sorry to have drawn it out as long as I have. It wasn’t very considerate of me to put you through that. The papers are signed and mailed. It’s done. Now we can just relax. We don’t have to fight about it anymore. The pressure is off and we can focus on the farm and helping Dad recuperate.”
He watched her speak, his gaze focused on her lips, but he didn’t seem to have the posture of relief she expected. He had started all this after all. He’d virtually bullied her into filing. Now he seemed displeased by it all.
“So,” she asked, “are you upset with me because I did what you asked? Because I’m confused.”
Heath sighed. “I’m not upset with you, Jules. You’re right, you did exactly as I asked. We filed. That’s what we needed to do. I guess I’m just not sure what last night was about. Or why you took off like a criminal come morning.”
Julianne looked at him, searching his hazel eyes. Having a relationship with him was so complicated. She wanted him, but she couldn’t truly have him. Not when the truth about what had happened that night with Tommy still loomed between them. She didn’t want anyone else to have him, either, but she felt guilty about keeping him from happiness. Letting him go didn’t seem to make him happy. What the hell was she supposed to do?
“We shouldn’t read too much into last night,” she said at last. “It was sex. Great sex that was long overdue. I don’t regret doing it, despite what you seem to think. I just didn’t feel like psychoanalyzing it this morning, especially with our divorce papers sitting beside my cup of coffee.”
“So you thought the sex was great?” Heath smiled and arched his brow conspiratorially.
“Is that all you got out of that?” Julianne sighed. “It was great, yes. But it doesn’t have to change everything and it doesn’t have to mean anything, either. We’re attracted to each other. We always have been. Anything more than that is where we run into a problem. So can’t it just be a fun outlet for years of pent-up attraction?”
Heath eyed her for a moment, his brows drawn together in thought. “So you’re saying that last night wasn’t a big deal? I agree. Does that mean you’re wanting to continue this...uh...relationship?”
When she woke up this morning, it didn’t seem like the right thing to do. It would complicate things further in her opinion. But here, in a dark restaurant with moody lighting and a handsome Heath sitting across from her, it wasn’t such a bad idea anymore. They were getting a divorce. The emotional heartstrings had been cut once and for all. If they both knew what they were getting into, why not have a little fun?
“We’re both adults. We know that it’s just physical. The things that held me back in our youth would not be in play here. So, perhaps.”
The waiter approached the table with two large platters of assorted sushi. Heath watched only Julianne as things were rearranged and placed in front of them. The heat of his gaze traveled like a warm caress along her throat to the curve of her breasts. She felt a blush rise to her cheeks and chest from his extensive inventory of her assets.
When the waiter finally disappeared, Heath spoke. “You want us to have a fling?”
That’s what she’d just suggested, hadn’t she? Maybe that was what they needed. A no-strings outlet for their sexual tension. Perhaps then, she could sate her desire for Heath without having to cross the personal boundaries that kept them apart. He never needed to know about the night with Tommy or what happened during their botched honeymoon. She could make it up to him in the weeks that followed.
And why not? They were still married, weren’t they?
Julianne smiled and reached for her chopsticks. She plucked a piece from the platter and put it into her mouth. Her eyes never left his even as she slipped her foot out of her shoe and snaked it beneath the table in search of his leg. His eyes widened as her toes found his ankle beneath the cuff of his suit pants. She slid them higher, caressing the tense muscles of his calves. By the time she reached his inner thigh, he was white-knuckling the table.
She happily chewed, continuing to eat as though her foot had not just made contact with the firm heat of his desire beneath the table. “You’d better eat. I can’t finish all this sushi on my own,” she said, smiling innocently.
“Jules,” he whispered, closing his eyes and absorbing the feeling as her toes glided along the length of him. “Jules!” he repeated, his eyes flying open. “Please,” he implored. “I get it. The answer is yes. Let’s either eat dinner or leave, but please put your shoe back on. It’s a long drive home in separate cars. Don’t torture me.”
* * *
The next few weeks went by easily. The uproar of the move and chaos of being thrown together after so long apart had finally dissipated. Dad was home and doing well under Nurse Lynn’s care. Jules had a fully operational workshop with her new kiln. She had three new gallery pieces in various stages of completion that were showing a lot of potential and nearly a full shelving unit of stoneware for her shop. During the day, she worked with Molly in the Christmas store preparing for the upcoming holiday rush. They made wreaths, stocked shelves and handled the paperwork the farm generated. In the evenings, she worked on her art.
Heath had done much the same. During the day, he was out in the fields working with Owen. He’d sent out some feelers for teenagers to work part-time starting at Thanksgiving and had gotten a couple of promising responses. When the sun went down, he worked on his computer, trying to stay up-to-date with emails and other business issues. Things seemed to be going fine as best he could tell.
Most nights, Julianne would slip into his bed. Some encounters were fevered and rushed, others were leisurely and stretched long into the early hours of the morning. He’d indulged his every fantasy where she was concerned, filling his cup with Julianne so he would have no regrets when all of this was over.
He usually found himself alone come morning. Julianne told him she woke up with bad dreams nearly every night, although she wouldn’t elaborate. When she did wake up, she went downstairs to work. When she returned to bed, she went to her own room. It was awkward to fall asleep with her almost every night and wake up alone just as often.
Despite the comfortable rhythm they’d developed, moments like that were enough to remind him that things were not as sublime as they seemed. He was not, at long last, in a relationship with Julianne. What they had was physical, with a strong barrier in place to keep her emotions in check. She was s
till holding back, the way she always had. Their discussions never strayed to their marriage, their past, or their future. She avoided casual, physical contact with him throughout the day. When nightfall came, they were simply reaping the benefits of their marriage while they could.
Given Heath had spent eleven years trying to get this far, he couldn’t complain much. But it did bother him from time to time. When he woke up alone. When he wanted to kiss her, but Molly or Nurse Lynn were nearby and she would shy away. When he remembered the clock was ticking down on their divorce.
At the same time, things at the bunkhouse had certainly been far more peaceful than he’d ever anticipated going into this scenario. It was one of those quiet evenings when his phone rang. He’d just gotten out of the shower after a long day of working outside and had settled in front of his laptop when the music of his phone caught his attention from the coffee table.