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Lady Upworth has sent me sketches of Jared. He is a beautiful child, perfect in every way. Sometimes my arms ache to hold him, and Thea will toddle into the room as if she knows. She climbs into my lap and sits quietly, so unlike my daughter, allowing me to rock her and sing songs I long to sing to my son as well. Lady Upworth does not mention Langley in her last letter. I think she is surprised and disappointed that my disappearance has not caused him to have a change of heart. I am neither. He has no heart and his own pride will prevent him from ever acknowledging his error.
November 11, 1800
Journal of Anna Selwyn, Countess of Langley
Lady Boyle's coach lurched for what seemed like the hundredth time as it hit a dip in the road from Liverpool to London. Thea grabbed the strap hanging from the ceiling and held on, refusing to land on her backside on the carriage floor again. Once was enough.
She could still feel the bruise on her hip she'd received the one time she had allowed herself to nod off.
The ride smoothed out and she let go of the strap, settling more comfortably onto the leather carriage seat. The rest of the occupants of the carriage dozed. Lady Boyle and her companion, Mrs. Coombs, sat opposite Thea and Melly. Melly snorted in her sleep, and Thea marveled at how she and the other women managed to keep their balance. No one but Thea had so much as tipped forward, regardless of how much the coach bounced along the uneven road.
Scooting toward the door, she peered out the window. The scenery was unlike anything she had ever seen. The lush green hills in no way resembled the tropical paradise of her island, and yet there was such beauty in them that looking at them gave her a physical ache. She wondered what London would be like.
Her first sight of Liverpool had made her feel faint. The busy docks and crowds of people were so unlike her island that she had wanted to stay onboard ship and sail right back to the Caribbean. Drake seemed to understand how overwhelming it all was because he had tucked her protectively against his side and kept her there throughout the making of plans for her journey to London.
He had settled her at an inn and left her playing cards with his aunt, Mrs. Coombs, and Melly before going to attend to the business associated with bringing his ship into port on time. Later, he arranged for her to travel in his aunt's coach to London.
So far, he had declined to join them, preferring to ride his horse alongside the carriage. Looking around the crowded interior of the carriage, she did not blame him. Where would he sit—on the floor? At least it wasn't raining. But the air was so cold that she shivered under the lap rug tucked around her. Drake must be cold indeed, but he hadn't complained.
Gratitude for the crowded conditions made her feel guilty. She needed time to think about all the feelings he brought out in her. He made her wish for things she had planned to live her life without. Husband. Children. She touched her flat stomach. The thought of having Drake's child should have horrified her. Instead it filled her with unmistakable longing.
Could she possibly be carrying his baby? She did not doubt he would make good his threat to marry her then. After a lifetime of paying the price for his own parents' mistake, Drake was not about to foist that sort of pain on his own child.
You are going to marry me.
His words haunted her. Did the man think he could order her to marry him? She supposed he did. Just as he tried to control so many other things. The fact that she didn't seem to mind scared her witless. Was she in danger of breaking the promise she had made to her mother?
Although I may be hard, I am not heartless—and though I may be strong, I am not cruel. His words played in her mind like the beat of the drums that echoed from the slaves quarters at night, back on her island. They had the same disturbing quality.
Was it possible to be hard without slipping into cruelty? She did not know. Her mind rejected the possibility, but her heart longed for the words to be true.
Forcing herself to push thoughts of her personal relationship with Drake aside, she tried to concentrate on the investigation. She searched for holes in Drake's plan to pose as an interested investor and couldn't find any. She had to admit that the idea would work nicely, allowing her access to the ledgers and an excuse to spend time in the London office. It would also keep her in Drake's constant company.
The knowledge both alarmed and enthralled her.
Thea tried to see through the brown fog that clung to the pavement outside Lady Boyle's town house. She shook her head at the useless exercise. Between the lace curtains that Lady Boyle insisted must not be moved and the fog, Thea could not see a thing.
"He'll not get here any faster no matter how many times you look out that window, child."
She sighed and nodded in agreement with Lady Boyle's comment. "I know." She jumped up and began pacing the room. "I cannot wait to hear how it went at Lloyd's of London. He brought the Golden Dragon in to port on time and they will be forced to pay his policy."
"It was a very near thing." Lady Boyle's knitting needles click
ed in a steady rhythm, uninterrupted by their discussion.
Thea swung to face the older woman. "Yes, it was. Imagine coming into port with only two days to spare. Drake must feel very accomplished."
She wondered if that was true. He had played down his achievement and treated his visit to the insurance company as just a routine business call.
"It was closer than that, my dear."
"What do you mean?" How could it have gotten any closer?
"He planned to have the captain give the order to drop anchor and search the ship until they found that nasty man who accosted you."
Although Drake had not taken his aunt into his complete confidence, he had told her enough for her to be infuriated that anything so unacceptable had occurred on one of his ships.