‘Like we did as kids? I was young when Mum left but I remember how upset you were. You punched a hole in the wall, remember? You broke two knuckles and had to have your hand bandaged for six weeks.’
‘How do you know I punched the wall?’
‘I saw you. And ever since then, it seems to me, you’ve closed your heart off to everyone around you. Including me and Jag.’
Rafe gave her a bleak look. ‘I’m always there for you if you need me, you know that.’
‘I do.’ She touched his arm. ‘But you won’t let us be there for you when you need us.’
‘That’s because I don’t need anyone.’
But the words rang hollow inside his heart. If he didn’t need anyone why didn’t he feel okay with Alexa leaving? Why did his life seem so colourless all of a sudden?
Rafe swore.
Milena smiled. ‘I know love isn’t a comfortable concept for you but she loves you too.’
‘How would you know?’
‘The same way I know you love her. It’s the way you look at each other. Like the other person is the most perfect person in the world for you. Jag and Regan have the same thing going on, and I swear one day I want someone to look at me the way you two look at your wives.’
Fear made him want to snap at her and say it wasn’t true but, unfortunately, what she said fitted. It explained the hard lump in his throat on the morning he’d woken to find Alexa gone, and the hollow feeling inside him every day since. It explained why for the first time in his adult life he didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning and face the day.
Rafe let his head fall into his hands and acknowledged what he’d always known to be true. He loved his wife. He loved Alexa, and it wasn’t going to go away.
He remembered noticing her at a formal function when she had been a shy teenager on the verge of womanhood. Even then there had been something compelling about her that had held his attention. Something about her that had made him want to protect her.
But her loving him in return?
‘I think you’re forgetting that she left, Milena. If you love someone you don’t walk out on them in the middle of the night.’
‘Like our mother?’ she asked softly. ‘Alexa isn’t our mother, Rafe. And who knows what would have happened if our father had gone after her? Maybe she would have come back and our life would have turned out very differently.’
‘I don’t know—’
‘And you won’t if you give up.’
Those words jolted something deep inside him. ‘I don’t give up.’
His sister’s brow arched. ‘So why haven’t you asked her why she left instead of presuming that you already know the answer?’
Because he was petrified of stuffing things up and feeling like a fool. Because he was petrified of feeling even worse than he did now. If that was even possible.
‘How did you get to be so smart?’
‘Observing two thick-headed brothers my whole life.’
Rafe gave her a faint smile and palmed his keys. ‘I owe you one,’ he said, heading for the door.
‘I know.’ She grinned broadly. ‘And I’ll be sure to collect on it.’
* * *
Alexa flicked through the pages of notes Nasrin had printed out for her. She was up to page twenty of fifty so she really needed to get a wriggle on if she was going to at least know something of the details about the one hundred guests who would be attending tonight’s trade dinner. Usually she would have done this already, but she couldn’t seem to muster the enthusiasm for it right now.
She knew what was wrong. She’d been back in Berenia for just over a week and nothing felt right. Not that anyone would guess. She’d upped her game face and had been putting on a good front. Had been trying to convince herself that it was silly to feel bad about something that had only been temporary to begin with. Which was exactly what she’d said to Nasrin when she’d been confronted with her EA’s crestfallen face.
‘But I was sure it was going to work out,’ Nasrin had moaned when she’d returned sans Rafe. ‘The way you looked at each other at the wedding. That kiss.’