“Our animals react differently to trauma. Some go crazed and insane, and we end up hunting a lot of those. Mine didn’t do that, but whatever happened, whatever we saw, it clearly affected him. He went silent—he’s actually only spoken to me twice in the last ten years, and both times were recent. And he’s always so worked up. I can feel his emotions even though he doesn’t speak, and he’s missing something. Like a piece of himself. And I feel the same thing. As far back as eight, when my memories begin, I’ve felt it.”
She nodded to where he was still rubbing his chest. “Is that because of the missing piece?”
His hand stilled on his chest as he glanced down, and when he looked up, he was smiling wryly. “I never realize when I’m doing that. Yeah. There’s this ache there that never goes away, but sometimes it’s easier to deal with. Sometimes it gets bad. I was handling it decently until Brandon died. Since then, I’ve felt like I was spiraling. I’ve been trying to pull myself out of it, but I wasn’t able to stop it.”
Her fingers tightened around his, her heart aching for him and everything he’d been through. He’d lost so much, and then lost Brandon on top of it. When he spoke to her of being strong, he should have been speaking to himself. Their stories were very different, and yet the same, at the heart of it. They’d both lost everyone they had. Thank God for Luke and his family.
“I wish there was some way I could help you.”
“You have, Lil. Just being in the same room with you eases the ache, and my lion even calms some. And since I met you, I don’t feel like I’m spiraling anymore. I feel like I have control over it again. That means everything to me.”
Her nose stung with tears, and she quickly glanced down at their entwined hands, not wanting him to see. His words, and the meaning behind them, meant so much, and she felt her heart swelling with so many different emotions. Hurt for his past, gratefulness that she’d found him and, in the process, found them, compassion… love.
Sucking in a breath, she felt her eyes widen at the last thought. Love? Did she love him? Already?
It was too soon to love him. Wasn’t it? Her head felt like it was spinning again, her heart was racing, and her palms were growing damp. Hopefully Noah wouldn’t notice, because she didn’t think she could explain in that moment. How could she, when she didn’t even know herself?
She hadn’t experienced falling in love in so long, and she tried to remember what it felt like. How fast had it happened? She couldn’t remember, exactly. Brandon’s family moved into the house next door to hers when they were in middle school. They became friends, and then, somewhere along the way, they fell in love. By the time they graduated high school, they were everything to each other. He actually proposed the night they graduated.
It felt nothing like what she experienced over the last few days with Noah, but how could it? She and Brandon had been kids when they met. She and Noah were full grown. She was twenty-seven and he was thirty.
And she didn’t think it was fair to compare the two. They were completely different men. Each one amazing and unique in their own ways, but nothing alike. No, it wasn’t at all fair to compare them. Not to Brandon and not to Noah.
What if she was okay with all of this—Noah, what he was, how she felt and how fast it was going—because she’d been feeling so alone?
The thought was a paralyzing one, and she honestly thought she’d cry if that was the case. Because that would mean none of it was real. It was just a desperate attempt by a pathetically lonely woman to form a connection with someone.
But it was actually that thought that calmed her. Because when she contemplated it not being real and thought about leaving him, the pain in her chest made it hard to breathe. It wasn’t the pain of loneliness—she knew that one all too well, and it was different.
It was the pain of losing someone she couldn’t live her life without.
The thought of losing the friendship, the closeness. Losing the way he made her heart race and fire lick at her skin with just a look. The thought of never being able to touch him again, or see him smile, or feel him brush his fingers down her cheek the way he liked to do.
So many things that would devastate her to lose. But only with Noah. Because he was the only one who could do any of that, and the only person in the world who mattered to her.
She couldn’t live without him now, and it didn’t matter one single bit how fast it happened.
Her fingers tightened around his until her knuckles turned white. She was giving away that she was going through something, but she couldn’t bring herself to loosen her grip. Her revelation was enough to make her dizzy.
Because holy crap, she did love him.
Noah stare
d at Lily’s bent head, running his eyes over the curtain of blonde hair spilling over her shoulders. It was a medium shade, not light or dark but somewhere in between, shot through with lighter blonde strands.
It was beautiful, but then, everything about her was. Especially her heart.
God, I love her so fucking much.
He stilled as the thought whispered through his consciousness. Did he love her? He thought back to everything that happened since she showed up at the clubhouse and realized that yes, he did. With every fucking fiber of his being.
It had happened so fast that it left him reeling inside, struggling to catch up. It was like that for shifters—the instant desire and devotion for their mate. But even knowing that, it still left him feeling shell-shocked.
Their animal chose their mate for them, knowing instinctively who their best match was. But while the compulsion to make sure they were safe and happy was a given, loving them wasn’t.
Loving her felt like a blessing, one he wasn’t going to take for granted. Ever.
He’d do anything for her. He’d burn the fucking world for her and have zero regrets.