“Oh, please. You don’t know what you’re doing with Shelby. Don’t give me that look. It’s true and you know it. Give her props for coming out and telling you how it was. Besides, from what I heard, you ended the meeting amicably, and you even took her advice, so it can’t be that bad.”
Leaning his head back, Ian rolled his eyes closed and took a breath before opening them to stare into the deepening twilight. “All that’s true. Hell, maybe we are compatible, I don’t know. But I’m still not going there.”
Frowning uneasily as his tiger stirred inside him, he brought a hand up and rubbed his chest. He didn’t like his tiger taking note of Holly. Didn’t like it at all.
“Is this because of Shelby? Your fear of a woman fooling you and turning into Farrah? You’re not the young cub you used to be, Ian. The likelihood of that happening again is slim.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not about that. I’ve honed my shifter gift in the last nine years. I’m not suppressing it like I was back then. I can tell one hundred percent if people are good or evil now. And Holly… she’s firmly on the good side. I could feel it rolling off her in waves. I know for a certainty she’d never hurt Shelby, or me. But we’re too far apart. The things I’ve done, hell, the things I do now. The fighting—she hates it, I can see why. I’ve killed people, Cam. Not just hurt in a fight, but killed.”
“You didn’t murder anyone. It wasn’t in a normal fight, and it wasn’t in anger. It was battle, Ian. It was kill or be killed.”
“I know,” he replied softly. “My conscience is clean. But Holly won’t understand that. And yes, it was a battle. Shifter battle
. This life is too rough for her, too hard. I can’t ask her to live in the kind of world I do.”
“What, you think she can’t hack it?” Cammie cocked an eyebrow. “She’s not strong enough, or some shit like that? And you know all this after a ten-minute meeting with her. I think you’re underestimating her. And yeah, I’ve never met her, but I think you’re doing her, and all women, a huge disservice by acting like she’s some wilting flower who can’t handle the grittier aspects of life.”
Ian held his hands up. “Whoa. Don’t take this the wrong way. This isn’t a woman thing. There are plenty of human women who can handle shifter life. Amelia, Piper, the human mates of the shifters of Red Moon and Bear Claw. This is a Holly thing. Maybe she is strong enough for it. But I can’t ask it of her.”
“You don’t have to ask her, now do you?” She stood up and stretched with a grimace, hand on her lower back. “It’s not like your tiger has declared she’s your mate, unless I missed something big. This isn’t you asking her to spend her life with you. This is you just spending time with her and getting to know her.”
Ian set the rocking chair back into motion as Cammie walked down the porch steps. Sitting out here, rocking, usually made him feel at peace, but not tonight. Tonight his mind was in too much turmoil for that.
Cammie was right. He could admit spending time with Holly would be enjoyable. And he’d love to get to know her better. But it was a risk he wasn’t sure he could take. Farrah was a monster, pure and simple. The evil ran deep in her, he knew that now that he’d honed his shifter gift. And he couldn’t take the chance that he’d bring another woman into Shelby’s life who was as bad as her mother. So no. As much as he’d like to spend time with Holly, it would be beyond selfish. He had to focus on Shelby and only Shelby.
His tiger growled deep in his chest and Ian stilled, surprised. His animal wasn’t liking the idea of him staying away from Holly, and Ian wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Because the tiger had the power to say one little word that would turn his willpower to ash—mate. If Holly was Ian’s mate, all bets were off. He knew some shifters who tried to deny their mates, and it never worked. He doubted it would be much different for him.
Every shifter has a true mate. They can love whomever they want, as many as they want. But once their animals choose the one they’re meant to be with, that’s it. There’s no going back, and the shifter will be forever devoted only to her. But if the animal doesn’t… well, it can’t be forced. He knew that from experience. Back when Farrah got pregnant, when he still thought she was a good woman, he’d tried to force it. He wanted them to be together for good, for Shelby’s sake. But no matter how hard he urged and pleaded with his tiger, the animal refused to say the words. A blessing in disguise, that was.
But the possibility of Holly not being his mate was high, despite his tiger’s interest. All the shifters around here, including his own crew, found their mates, but that wasn’t the norm. Mates were rare, and all the more precious for it.
He shouldn’t be getting so worked up about it. He didn’t want a mate. Not after Farrah. He couldn’t put Shelby though that again. He wanted only her happiness now. The possibility of making another horrible choice gave him no desire to look.
But he had to admit, he couldn’t see Holly ever being nasty to his daughter. This wasn’t him sticking his head in the sand like he did with Farrah, either. He wasn’t fighting his nature or his gift anymore. And his talent had been spot on with Holly, he knew that as well as he knew his name. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he told Cammie that Holly was pure, either.
This wasn’t about worrying that Holly was good enough for Shelby. This was about the very real fear he felt over starting something with Holly, only for it to backfire on him and leave him hurt.
Disgusted with himself, he paced the porch, running a hand through his hair. What was he, a sixteen-year-old, scared of heartbreak? He was a grown ass man, a fighter to his soul. He wasn’t weak enough to feel fear over something like that, much less admit to it.
And he was acting like a wimpy ass motherfucker, because he couldn’t deny the truth of what he felt. He needed to stay away from Holly. Shelby better be a model student, so he could keep his distance from the tall, blonde, amazingly gorgeous woman he could already hear calling his name.
SATURDAY NIGHT. FIGHT NIGHT. IAN WAS READY, pumped to take some of his frustration out on an opponent. He glanced at his crew. They all deserved to get the shit kicked out of them tonight. Maybe they hadn’t done anything in the last few days to deserve it, but there was a fairly long backlist of reasons why they each needed a beat down. And tonight he was in the mood to deliver just that to one of his friends.
They were all here tonight. Cammie and Alex as spectators, and Ian, Seth, and Jax fighting. Even Kian was here, somewhere. Seth and Jax stopped to kiss their mates, Amelia and Piper, good luck before the fight. Just barely managing to keep from rolling his eyes, Ian left them with Cammie and Alex, heading to the back where the stalls were. He’d helped, in some small way, when each of his fighters found their mates. He wanted them all to be happy, and jackasses or not, they each deserved it. But that didn’t mean he wanted to see them making out all hours of the day. Which they did. Constantly.
The fighters got ready and warmed up in the old horse stalls. They were spacious, and the only things in them were speed bags and benches. Dropping his bag on the bench, he pulled his clothes off, quickly changing into his fighting shorts. He’d just begun his stretches when a knock came on the door. He waved Kian inside.
“Hey, man. Good to see you.”
“Same,” Kian replied. “Do you know the lineup for tonight yet?”
“No, but it’s early. I’m sure we’ll be told soon,” he said. Watching as Kian nodded and looked around the stall, avoiding his eyes, he felt a frown forming. “What’s going on, Kian? You’re acting different.”
Kian finally met his eyes, lips quirking. “It is hard to hide anything from you, friend. There’s something bothering me. I feel restless and uneasy lately, but I can’t pinpoint why.”
“Is everything okay at home?” Ian asked.
Kian was a part of the War Cats. The prince of the tribe. His bloodline was the purest of any shifter Ian knew of, and he was destined to become alpha one day. The War Cats were where Ian met Farrah, and they were the tribe Shelby was born into. And he hated them with a fiery passion for the way they’d treated his daughter. As if she were beneath them, mocking and ridiculing her every day. Her own mother included.