Sitting up to face him, she said, “You’re gorgeous and talented, Jax. There will be women all over you. Women much more beautiful than me.”
Frowning hard at the insecurity in her eyes, he replied, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, Piper.”
“You’re barely eighteen, Jax. You haven’t been out in the world yet, not really. You don’t know what’s out there.”
“I don’t care what’s out there, Pippy,” he replied, taking her hands and squeezing until she was looking into his eyes. “I meant what I said. You’re beautiful, and there’s no one out there I’ll ever think is more so. I’ll never—ever—want anyone the way I want you. I mean that, more than I’ve ever meant anything. You own me, heart and soul, and you always will. I love you. Always.”
Eyes soft and glistening with tears, Piper gave him a trembling smile. “And I love you. Always.”
Piper couldn’t breathe. Seriously. Jax might need to give her the Heimlich.
Hmmm. That wasn’t something she really had much of an objection to. It could get interesting.
No, Piper scolded herself. Focus.
Finally sucking in a breath, she raised her head and gazed into his serious eyes. “Are you for real right now?” she asked, trying to force her voice to have more substance.
“As a heart attack,” he replied, green and golden eyes intense. “I told you once I’d never look at another woman. I meant it.”
“But you were only eighteen. How could you keep a promise you made that young, especially one like that? And especially when we were apart so long?”
“It was easy. I never wanted anyone else. Never. It’s always been you, Piper. From the moment we met twenty years ago, it was always you. I never saw anyone else.”
“I just... we were apart so long. Eight years, Jax! You’re really telling me that you, a sexy-ass man in his prime, didn’t have sex for eight years because the woman wasn’t me?”
“You think I’m sexy?” he asked with a grin.
Swatting his chest, she ordered, “Focus, Jax.”
Letting out a long breath, he shrugged. “That’s what I’m telling you. And it’s one-hundred-percent the truth.”
Searching his eyes for a moment and finding nothing but sincerity, she slowly nodded. “I believe you.”
Easing back down into his arms, she pondered the uneasy feeling in her chest. Was that… did she feel guilty? Because she hadn’t abstained like Jax? That was absurd, but she felt it just the same.
“Scott—”
“The last thing I want to hear about right now is your sex life with Scott,” he bit out, body stiffening under her.
Raising her head again, she found him narrow eyed, glaring down at her. But she knew the fury in his gold-ringed green gaze wasn’t directed at her. It was directed at anyone she might have had sex with.
“I was only going to say that the only other person I’ve had sex with is Scott. And I regretted it from the moment we did it. It was horrible and uncomfortable, and just wrong. Because it wasn’t you.”
His glare slowly eased and he let out a breath. “I’m sorry. I want you to feel like you can tell me absolutely anything, and then I act like a Neanderthal when you try. You can tell me about it if you want to. I have no right to be upset, and only myself to blame. But I promise, I’ll tamp down that kneejerk reaction. I want you to feel free to tell me anything and everything.”
“That’s sweet,” she said, leaning up to kiss his lips softly. “Truly, that’s all I meant to say. That there was only Scott since you. And if it makes you feel better, it was always horrible. And he had rules for that, as well. Once a month when the time was right to conceive. Other than that, we didn’t touch each other.”
“The thought of a little Scott Jr. running around is truly terrifying. That man does not need to reproduce. Although I’m sorry if it’s something you wanted to happen.”
“Fuck no,” she said, fighting a shiver of distaste. “I was on birth control. It would have been hell if he found out, so no pills for me. I got the Depo shot, once every three months. I’d sneak over and get it when I was supposed to be getting my hair or nails done. The doctor was always great about getting me in and out quickly. Scott never knew.”
“Good for you,” Jax replied, giving her a fist bump that made her giggle. “That doctor deserved a bonus, too.” He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Was it only because of Scott, or do you not want kids at all?”
Stilling, her fingers dug into his chest before she forced herself to relax. “I didn’t want kids with Scott. I’ve always thought being a mother would be nice, and I’d do it right. I wouldn’t neglect my kids for my man, leave them alone while I ran off to drink or shoot up, or whatever my vice was. But I never thought I’d have them. After Scott, I was done with men.”
“Do you still feel that way?”
“I’ve come to the conclusion that not all men are bad,” she said softly. “But that still doesn’t mean they won’t abandon you if they think they’re doing the right thing, without giving you a chance to explain how crazy it is. Men still think they’re always right, and they know best.”