But for me, it’s like one more confirmation. She is not coming back, and her sisters are mourning her in a way no one else here can even notice.
Except behind me Enrique is flinching, too, and Jonathan. And farther back in the crowd, Whelan and his wife. Piper, too, of course.
And Frumberg?
But I don’t want to think about Gary, don’t want to think about the scratch that might have infected him. It takes a great effort to tune out the wailing and look at the hole in the ground where she lies now, awaiting her eternal rest. What was it that the sisters said about sending her off into another place? Maybe this is all a new beginning, but it sure feels just like one sad ending.
Just as I’m about to leave, to get back on the school bus to go back to school — the administration had shown their compassion by letting us ride over here together, right after school started — someone steps into my path, stopping me and Enrique and Jonathan behind me.
It’s Meredith.
“Stanley,” she says. “I’m so sorry.”
“She wasn’t your friend,” I say.
Meredith looks me right in the eye. “Right, Stanley. You’re right, of course. I didn’t mean to imply anything, but—”
“But what?” I ask, cutting her off.
“Carolina told me some confusing story about how Karen did something brave to save us all...”
“How would she even know?” I ask. “She was asleep the whole time.”
“Look,” Meredith says. “I know you’re angry, but I just want to tell you that if you want to talk, I’m here, okay? If you want me to leave you alone, I’ll leave you alone. I’m just sorry I teased you on Friday on the phone. I feel so guilty about everything...”
“I’m sorry, too,” I say. “I think...”
I just stand there. I mean, I might as well get it off my chest. But really, compared to everything else, what’s the point?
“You think what, Stanley?” she asks me.
“I think I killed your rabbit,” I say.
“What?” she says, looking at me, her eyes wide. “You what?”
“I ate Snowball, out in the woods,” I say. “That night, at the party.”
“You ate my pet?” Her eyes tear up as she just stares at me, maybe waiting for me to laugh or something. But I don’t laugh.
I shake my head. “It was just a rabbit, and I was hungry.”
“I guess it doesn’t matter, now,” she says. “But I still can’t help wishing you hadn’t told me.” She takes a step away, biting her lip, but then I’m pulling her to me. It won’t make things right again, will it? But holding her, I feel a little better, and maybe it helps her, too.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“No, Stanley,” she says. “I’m sorry.”
“Shhh,” I say to her, and then it’s time to get back on the bus.
“Where’s Carolina?” I ask.
“She stayed home. She’s really sorry, too.”
We don’t talk the rest of the way back to school, but I let Meredith hold my hand.
Don’t be angry, Karen, wherever you are now. It’s not for lack of missing you.
Chapter 43: AN UNEXPECTED OFFER