“You know everything. Maybe you should be a self-help guru or write a book.”
“Ha!” He slaps a hand on his desk, chuckling. “You actually made me pee a little in my pants.”
“Gross.”
“See. I’m far from perfect. For example, I’ve built a successful winery with international recognition. I’m going to sell it for more money than I ever dreamed of having. Yet I feel just as empty as the day I left my monastery and started this venture. I thought if I carved out my own path, God would point the way toward the happiness that’s eluded me.”
I don’t believe in God. But I believe in Hector. He treats everyone with genuine kindness and respect. He’s a role model to most of us employees. “Did He reward you?”
“I don’t know yet. But during my time running this winery, I’ve made many new friends. Regular people, famous people, and powerful people. I’ve learned something from almost everyone who’s crossed my path, but there is one man who stood out: a NASCAR driver. He’s made a lot of headlines recently, and do you know what he said when I asked him about his secret to winning?”
“What?”
“He said that every time he gets on that track and drives those five hundred miles, traveling two hundred miles an hour, he loves every second of it. Getting to the finish line first never crosses his mind because he’s having so much fun. That and it’s only one one-hundredth of a second. For him, it’s all about enjoying the ride, not a perfect finish that’s over in the blink of an eye. He just doesn’t care if he gets first place.” Hector smiles, a twinkle in his dark eyes. “Yet he wins anyway. Go figure.”
Hector’s words make me think hard. Some people spend their entire lives focused on reaching a goal, kind of like what Nina was saying. She pushed herself so hard that it broke her. All for what? She never made it to the finish line, the Olympics, and she wasted years of her life being unhappy.
So am I spending all my time obsessed with the big touchdown? Meanwhile, there’s no joy in the game I’m playing. I’ve never had a life. No serious girlfriend. No real fun. No close friends—only hordes of casual ones. Mostly because for as long as I can remember, I’ve been worrying about Flip. I love him. He’s my brother. So that’s not the point. But I have spent a solid percentage of my childhood and adult life focused on the finish line.
I’m trading everything just to get into the NFL. Nothing wrong with that in theory. I know plenty of guys who want it. The question is if that’s the game I want. Will it make me happy? If not, then all the NFL contracts, money, and Superbowl rings in the world won’t do it for me.
“So now that I’ve made my confession,” Hector inhales slowly, “you want to tell me what’s going on?”
No. I don’t want to tell him, but I should. I’m beginning to realize if I want to get out of this mess, I can’t do it alone.
I sigh with a deep groan. “I’m pretty sure I got someone pregnant. And now I have a baby girl. And now that I’ve met her, I don’t think I want to give her up. But she and football and college and everything I’ve been working for…I don’t know how to make it all work. And I feel like I should, man. I should have it all figured out because that’s what I do. I’m Dean Norland. The kid from shit who said screw you to the world when they told him he’d never make it.”
Hector bobs his head appreciatively. “So what will you do?”
That’s a damned good question. “Honestly? I want to enjoy the five hundred miles around the track. And I want the perfect finish, too. I want it all, Hector. I want to fight for all of it.”
He smiles appreciatively. “Then what’s stopping you, Dean? It’s your life. Just don’t sacrifice the ride only to get to the toll bridge. We all get to the toll bridge, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes. I do.” For the first time in my life, I’m wishing I had a father. One like Hector. “Thank you, boss.”
“I’ll always be here for you, Dean. Even when I’m on my yacht in the Riviera, writing sad poetry about my empty life.”
I crinkle my nose. “You have a yacht?”
“Yes, but it makes me feel like garbage. I’m cursed.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I’m on my way to pick up Fia from daycare, feeling like that talk with Hector helped put things in perspective. Unfortunately, Lara was tied up on the phone with one of our major retailers when I left, so I had to put a pin in our conversation. Maybe for the best. A cooling-off period never hurts.