“Ashley, you’d say we get on quite nicely, yes?”
She nodded. “Of course we do.” They enjoyed the same restaurants, her friends liked him, and they rarely ran out of things to talk about. This one conversation excluded, it was a comfortable relationship, a safe one, but not one with sexual sparks. Still, it worked for her, having learned at a very young age what desire and acting on your baser instincts wrought.
Her parents had loved one another but her blue-collar dad, a man she recalled only by his warm, booming voice, died when she was four. And her mother had given up on love, focusing on financial security instead. She’d gone from wealthy man to wealthy man, and had even agreed to have Ashley sent away. Or maybe it’d been her idea in the first place. As a result, like her mother, Ashley no longer believed in love, happily ever after, or even marriage. Unlike her mother, she wanted to rely on herself.
Because everyone who was supposed to look out for her had abandoned her. From what she’d seen, what was the point in giving her heart? That’s why this relationship worked for her. She and Jonathan were compatible, no explosive chemistry to mess up her head and make her believe in things that weren’t possible.
She glanced at the man across the table. “You can talk to me,” she said. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “I’m hoping everything is right.” He released her hand and lowered his arm, clearly pulling something out of his pants pocket and coming up with a small black velvet box.
Her stomach turned over. “Oh my God.”
“Will you marry me, Ashley?” He opened the box and she stared at the solitaire ring in total and utter shock.
She hadn’t expected a proposal. Not so early in their relationship and really not at all. She’d never given him any indication that the relationship was headed in that direction or that she wanted something permanent. She enjoyed Jonathan and her time with him … but marriage? She shook her head. That wasn’t something she wanted or desired.
“I–”
“Think about it,” he said, interrupting her. “We make a good couple and I’ve fallen in love with you,” he said, his voice warming.
She bit down on the inside of her cheek, wishing he’d told her that before proposing. She would have slowed things down immediately.
“Oh, Jonathan. I’m not … ready to get married,” she said, hoping she was letting him down gently.
Another version of it’s not you, it’s me. But she was being honest. To her, marriage meant love and commitment and the happily ever after she didn’t think was possible for herself.
His sparkling eyes dulled as she turned him down.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize you felt… I just…” She trailed off, unsure of what else to say. She’d hurt him and that was the last thing she’d wanted to do.
“I hope you’ll consider it,” he said, persistent to the end. “You don’t have to say anything now.” He closed the box and tucked the ring back into his pants pocket. “But I’ll be holding on to this. And hoping.”
She shook her head. “Please don’t.” Her heart squeezed as she spoke, because he was a kind man and would make some woman a good husband. Just not her. “I like you, a lot, and I enjoy your company.” She forced herself to meet his gaze despite the painful churning in her stomach. “But I don’t love you. And I don’t see my feelings growing that way. In fact, I don’t believe in falling in love.”
She kept her voice gentle as she broke it off with him. “Given all that…” She pointed to the ring. “I think we should end things.” She spoke as gently as she could.
“I’m not going to give up on hope,” he said, surprising her. She hadn’t seen him as the overly persistent type, but here he was, not wanting to let her go. “People have built solid marriages on less.”
Yet between the two of them, neither had communicated enough feelings to get to this point. She couldn’t believe he’d put them in this position. And though she’d miss him and the time they spent together, she just didn’t love him.
Did she trust any man enough to fall in love? A question for another time.
She sighed just as her phone rang from inside her purse. She didn’t want to take the call, didn’t want to make him feel less valued than he already did.
“Check it.” He gestured with a tip of his head toward where her handbag hung on the chair. “It might be important.”
She nodded, assuming he needed time after his rejected proposal, and pulled her phone from her bag. She glanced down to see Ethan Knight’s name flashing on the screen.
Ethan was the closest thing she had to a brother. In fact, he had been her brother once, in the short time her mother had been married to his father. A few years, only six months of which she’d lived under the same roof with him and his two brothers and sister. But he’d stepped up for her, and as a result, her relationship with him was important to her.