So. This was awkward. I was low-key embarrassed for Ainsley and high-key devastated that Alex was not a virgin. I mean, I knew he was probably not a virgin, but hearing firsthand confirmation of that was just…I don’t know, painful. Like being stabbed by a thousand swordsmen at the same time. And then have people pour acetone all over you.
To make matters worse, I was pretty sure my lips were the size of my entire face, swollen from kissing Ainsley’s unrequited love silly just a few minutes before.
I felt no glee nor was I satisfied from knowing Ainsley was nursing a broken heart. I knew heartbreak was like death. Inevitable.
Everybody got theirs. Unfailingly.
“Just forget about what she said.” Jadie took my hand, giving it a friendly squeeze.
“Why? It’s true. Alex has never had a girlfriend, and I doubt Goody-two Shoes over here is going to change things for him.” Ainsley pressed, licking her lower lip. Her tongue was pierced. I couldn’t not-imagine that tongue swirling around Alex’s penis.
Jadie snapped her gaze to Ainsley, her eyes widening.
“Will you shut up?”
“Yeah, dude. Alex is going to crucify you for messing with his little Brady Bunch girlfriend,” another girl quipped.
I was his girlfriend now? And I was a part of the Brady Bunch? I wasn’t even blonde. Nothing made sense anymore.
Twenty minutes later, the guys joined us. Tom almost plopped on top of me and gathered Jadie into his arms, peppering her face with noisy, sloppy kisses. Alex sat next to me, but was still talking to one of his friends, a skinhead I was pretty sure enjoyed meat with a side of racist views. Ryan sat pretty close to me, too.
I took the opportunity to lean toward Ryan.
“Hi!” I said, keeping things light and cheerful. “I tried to call you.”
“Oh. Yeah. I’ve been busy. What’s up? It’s good to see you.” Ryan smiled back.
“I brought you that book we were talking about.” I flipped my canvas messenger back open, taking out Our Band Could Be Your Life by Michael Azerrad. Ryan read the back sleeve, nodding.
“Damn. Been wanting to get my hands on it for months. Thanks.”
“Sure.”
“Know that book about the mortician I was telling you about? Text me and I’ll bring it to you Monday.”
“Oh. Yeah. Totally. Can’t wait to read it,” I mumbled.
There was nothing quite like reading about death when you were in a constant state of existential anxiety as I had been since about age six.
Since Alex was still busy talking to someone else, and Jadie’s face was currently sucked whole into Tom’s mouth, and Ainsley was busy drooling in Alex’s lap, I dove into a conversation with Ryan. Things seemed normal between us. A little stiff, sure, but nowhere near the hostility I was expecting. Maybe he didn’t want me after all. Or at least, not that much.
I felt like I could breathe again.
Ryan said something that made me laugh, and that’s when I felt it. Alex’s arm. It swung over my shoulder possessively, draping over it, its weight delicious and the intentions it brought with it clear.
I was his now.
“What’s up, Ryan?” Alex popped a (vegan) gum.
“Good,” Ryan said, sounding…well, genuinely good. “You?”
“Great,” Alex replied. “Glad you put your big girl panties on before coming here today. Nobody likes a sore loser.”
“Nobody.” Ryan nodded, agreeing. “Words to live by, my friend. Just remember that.”
“For when?” Alex smirked, having fun.
“For when she realizes you are a fucking idiot and breaks up with you.”
Alex laughed, enjoying himself immensely. “You need help, kiddo. And a good lay. Not in that order.”
Ainsley shrugged, joining the conversation. “Ryan is right. You’ve never had a girlfriend before, and you’re like, what? Seventeen? You’re bound to fuck it up.”
Alex whipped his head around, his eyes dead and cold as he glowered at Ainsley.
“I know you’re an expert when it comes to fucking, sweetheart, but let’s agree to disagree.”
“Harsh much?” Ainsley screwed her nose in distaste.
“Much,” Alex spat out. “And since when do you pull bullshit jealous fits, Ainsley? I thought you were cool.”
This, I assumed, was the final blow for Ainsley. Not only was she stripped from the hope she and Alex could be together today, but now she wasn’t cool, either. I felt genuinely bad for her.
At the same time…
I knew this wasn’t Alex fighting for our true, undying love. It was him proving a point. Still, I liked that he took no bullshit from anyone when it came to our relationship, even if it had nothing to do with…well, our relationship.
The next portion of the picnic was relatively pain-free. We ate. We talked about articles I did not read by people I did not know, most of them seventeenth century philosophers and past dictators. Then the conversation turned to music and I really tuned out. Veganism and harboring a soft spot for tyrants and tsars were hard to swallow (literally), but bad music was something I couldn’t tolerate. I still secretly listened to Blink 182, Green Day, The Smiths, and The Strokes when no one was around.