Reminders of Him

“Wish me luck, Scotty,” I whisper.

When I emerge from the hallway, they’re both in the kitchen. Grace is looking at her phone, and Patrick is emptying the dishwasher. They both look up at the same time.

“I have something I need to say, and I really don’t want to yell, but I will if I have to, so I think we should go outside because I don’t want to wake up Diem.”

Patrick closes the dishwasher. “We don’t really want to hear what you have to say, Ledger.” He motions toward the door. “You should go.”

I have a lot of empathy for them, but I’m afraid I’ve just met my limit. A wave of heat climbs up my neck, and I try to push down my anger, but it’s so hard when I’ve given them so much. I recall the words Kenna said to me right before I left her. Please don’t hate them.

“I’ve given my life to that little girl,” I say. “You owe this to me. I’m not leaving your property until we talk about this.” I walk out the front door and wait in their yard. A minute passes. Maybe two. I take a seat on their front patio. They’re either going to call the police or they’re going to come outside or they’re going to go to bed and ignore me. I’ll wait here until one of those three things happens.

It’s several minutes before I hear the door open behind me. I stand up and spin around. Patrick walks out of the house just far enough to give Grace space in the doorway. Neither of them looks open to what I’m about to say, but I have to say it anyway. There will never be a good time for this conversation. There will never be a good time to take the side of the girl who ruined their lives.

I feel like the words I’m about to say are the most important words that will ever come from me. I wish I were more prepared. Kenna deserves better than to have me and my plea be the only hope left between her and Diem.

I blow out an unsteady breath. “Every decision I make is for Diem. I ended my engagement with a woman I loved because I wasn’t sure she would be good enough for that little girl. That should tell you that I would never put my own happiness before Diem’s. I know you both know that, and I also know you’re just trying to protect yourselves from the pain Kenna’s actions caused. But you’re taking the worst moment of Kenna’s life and you’re making that moment who she is. That isn’t fair. It isn’t fair to Kenna. It isn’t fair to Diem. I’m starting to wonder if it’s even fair to Scotty.”

I hold up the pages in my hand.

“She writes letters to him. To Scotty. She’s been doing it for five years. This is the only one I’ve read, but it was enough to change my entire opinion of her.” I pause, and then backtrack on my words. “Actually, that’s not true. I forgave Kenna before I even knew the contents of the letter. But the second she read this out loud to me, I realized she’s been hurting just as much as all of us have. And we’re slowly killing her by continuing to drag out her pain.” I squeeze my forehead and put even more emphasis on the words I’m about to speak. “We are keeping a mother from her child. That’s not okay. Scotty would be so mad at us.”

It grows quiet when I stop speaking. Too quiet. It’s like they aren’t even breathing. I hand Grace the letter. “It’ll be hard to read. But I’m not asking you to read it because I’m in love with Kenna. I’m asking you to read it because your son was in love with her.”

Grace starts to cry. Patrick still won’t look me in the eye, but he reaches for his wife and pulls her to him.

“I’ve given the last five years of my life to you guys. All I’m asking for in return is twenty minutes. It probably won’t even take you that long to read the letter. After you read it, and take time to process it, we’ll talk. And I’ll respect whatever decisions the two of you make. I swear I will. But please, please give me the next twenty minutes. You owe Diem the opportunity to have another person in her life who will love her as much as Scotty would have loved her.”

I don’t give them an opening to argue or hand the letter back to me. I immediately turn and walk to my house and disappear inside it. I don’t even look out the window to see if they’ve gone inside, or if they’re reading the letter.