Once that’s done, well, not really; my coffee isn’t brewing yet, but that’s because I’m not sure if I want a third cup of the day or not. It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. The first order of business is emails. It’s still too early in my book for people, and let’s be honest, people don’t respond as quickly with messages as they do with phone calls. I fire up my computer. Emails are pouring in as soon as the screen comes up. I plant my head on the desk.
“Okay, I wasn’t dreading this, and now look at me. Maybe I’ll have more coffee after all.” Procrastination and a caffeine junkie at its best. I will say the highlight of my morning was the good-morning call I received from Tanner. It was short and to the point, but what else could I expect he was between job sites? The fact that I was even a thought in his busy-as-heck schedule. Tanner mentioned their company is so slammed he’s pulling in the extras in the form of his parents, and they’re thriving because of it. The one day he’ll for sure get off early is on Wednesdays when he picks up his nephew, Jace. I don’t know how he does it. I barely make it, and my business isn’t as big. My family isn’t either. I’m telling you he’s from Mars.
I go through the motions, frothing my creamer while the cup of coffee is brewing, wanting it all steaming hot instead of my hot cup of joe becoming cold. Once that’s made, there’s no reason to not sit down and take care of business. I mean, sure, I could call my dad or my brother, but those two are working on the farm, which means I’ve got to get down to brass tacks.
I’m sitting in my nice and cozy office chair, scrolling down all the way to the bottom. It’s my habit to work from the oldest to the newest messages first. That way, those that have waited longer don’t have to be left in a lurch.
“Holy fuck,” I breathe out. I place the cup of coffee I was holding up to my mouth on the mug rug next to my desktop, and that’s when I see the emails. Each day last week until Taylor and Ridge got home, he left me one. There are three, all filled with apologies, attempting to get through to me, which was, of course, when I felt like the world was caving in on me and I had all kinds of issues that were driving me up the freaking wall.
I abandon those, remembering what Tanner said about trying to get ahold of me. The phone is staring at me, messages blinking, and the shitty thing is, I’ll have to work from the most recent backwards. I ring into the answering service with pen and paper at the ready, putting the phone on speaker to make my life easier.
“You have twenty-one new messages in your mailbox,” the robotic message tells me.
“Dear God, don’t people have anything better to do on the weekends besides eat, sleep, and breathe work?” Not that I have much room to talk. That was me up until I crashed, burning into a fiery flame, which is why I’m turning over a new leaf. Absolutely no working weekends unless it’s an event, and even then, it’s going to have to be a big one. I’m definitely learning my limits and want to enjoy living my life a little more than I have for the past few years.
I jot down notes, taking in who needs the most attention and what. Some are marketing calls, some spammy. Until I hear Tanner’s voice, the sound of forlornness reaching through my office in waves. I hate that I have to listen to these backwards, the defeat in his tone working its way back to where I can hear the excitement even as he’s apologizing about his fat fingers hitting the wrong numbers. It pulls at my heartstrings, and I know what needs to happen next. I hang up the phone, reach for my purse, and grab my cell phone. I already know that he probably won’t answer, but I don’t care. Tanner deserves to know that there was never a doubt in my mind about his apology and that I want this with him.
“Tanner, honey. I’m just now going through the emails and messages at the office. They mean everything to me, that you’d go to such great lengths, to not give up on the relationship we’re building. It’s everything. And, Tanner, so are you.” I hate that I can’t say this to him in person, but at the same time, he needs to know that I’m all in when it comes to us, and if he asks me to a family dinner again, I’m going to pull my big girl panties up and go with him. My next order of business after returning calls and emails is to talk to Taylor. This past weekend, we didn’t do girls’ night out, which I knew wouldn’t happen. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to gab my girl’s ear off, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.