“Whoa. Stop a moment, Brandon. Take a step back and stand at ease.”
Eric’s steady voice penetrated Rowan’s painful flashback, scattering the memories. The large phallus that had been choking her a moment before was mercifully withdrawn. The trainer’s hand was on her shoulder again, his touch warm and reassuring.
He crouched beside her. “Rowan, look at me.”
Rowan turned her head to face Eric, her heart still pattering like a trapped bird against her ribs, the sour taste of failure in her throat. She forced herself to look into his eyes, waiting for the rebuke that must surely come. But instead, she saw only kindness in his gaze, along with concern.
“Breathe,” he said simply. “Inhale through your nose. Exhale through your mouth. Slow and easy. That’s right. Again. Breathe. In and out…”
As she calmed, her panic was replaced by embarrassment. “You must think I’m such an idiot,” she blurted, a pained laugh escaping her lips. “All I do is mess things up.”
“No,” Eric said, shaking his head. “If you’re unable to perform to expectations, it’s your trainer’s responsibility, and your Master’s as well, to find out what the issue is and address it. Submission is a gift to be cherished, not something to be seized and bent to another’s will. At least, that’s my philosophy, and that of the Masters Club as well. If you’re not finding success, it’s our job to find out why and tailor your training to change that.”
Rowan stared at him, both confused and hopeful. The thought that it wasn’t her fault, or at least not all her fault, didn’t jibe with Master John’s philosophy. He maintained that true submission was, by definition, a bending of one’s will to another. When she failed, it was because she was resisting. It hadn’t occurred to her there might be another way to look at it.
Why was it so much easier with the trainer? How had he sent her flying with a simple flogging, something she’d yet to manage with the man she loved? Why did she continue to hold something back, subconsciously or not, from the Master to whom she’d given her submission?
This line of thought felt dangerous, even mutinous, and she pushed it from her mind. Master John did love and cherish her—he did. His methods were more intense, yes, but that was because he was a true Master, not just some trainer who focused on specific results. Master John was sexy in an edgy, powerful way that had thrilled her from the moment they’d first scened together. He knew how to get to the very core of her darkest desires and bring them to fruition.
As he often told her, nothing worthwhile was easy. Erotic pain and submissive suffering were as essential as breathing, and just as powerful. True submission was an erasure of self—a complete surrender of one’s will to another.
Yet, even as these thoughts moved through her mind, they were offset by the sheer relief Eric’s words brought her. At least here, during this training, she didn’t have to be perfect.
Eric smiled at her. “Okay, good,” he said. “You’re breathing again. I was afraid for a minute there you were going to hyperventilate. We don’t need to worry about deep throat techniques right now. If you’d rather—”
“No,” Rowan blurted. She refused to end another session in failure. Heat blossomed on her throat and cheeks at her rudeness. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Sir,” she added quickly. “What happened just now—it was because I wasn’t properly focused. I was letting old feelings get in the way. I’d like to try again, if that’s okay?”
He regarded her a long moment, and then nodded. “All right.” He got to his feet. “Let’s try something a little different. I want you to sit down on the mat, instead of kneeling.”
He waited while she complied. Whatever he had in mind, she was determined to succeed this time.
“Brandon is going to stand over you, his legs straddling you on either side, his cock above your head.” He nodded toward Brandon, gesturing for him to come forward.
Brandon assumed the position as Eric continued, “Rowan, you will lean your head back and, using your hands, gently pull his penis down toward your open mouth. The nice thing about this position is that the angle automatically aligns your mouth and throat, which should make it easier for you.”
He looked again to Brandon. “Once she’s in position, you will then slowly squat up and down so your cock goes in and out of her open mouth. Only penetrate a few inches at a time, to give her ample opportunity to remain relaxed and open to you. Pay attention to her signals. Rowan is going to be in charge of this scene.”
The sub in charge? Master John would never have allowed that. But Master John wasn’t there. And he had directed her to obey the trainer in all things. Rowan relaxed for the first time that morning, the last of her panic ebbing away.