“Should I tell Gia not to waste her time?”
“What are you talking about?” I must admit, I was already on the defensive. It’s a little habit I picked up here lately when it comes to her. Other than the twins, and to a lesser extent Ma, I don’t like anyone getting involved in her life, not even my brother in heart.
“I see the way she looks at you.”
“What about it?”
“I think she’s falling for you, and I know for damn certain that you already fell for her, but for whatever reason, you’re not gonna let yourself go there. Wouldn’t it be best to let her know that now…?”
“Stay away from Gianna.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” Because he knows I won’t punch his face in?
“Because I know what you feel for her, and I know you wanna protect her. So, in order to protect you from being hurt, I have to protect her as well, right.”
He’s such a…. “She only looks at me that way because of what I’ve done for her.”
“Bullshit! So, what's your excuse when you look at her with longing?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You forget I know you? Lie to yourself all you want but save it because I won’t believe you.”
“You’re wrong!” I felt as though I’d choke on the words.
“Gabriel!”
“Leave it.”
“I won’t leave it. If you’re not in love with her, why are you going to all this trouble?”
“I’m trying to give her wings, no scratch that. I’m trying to help her find her wings so she can fly on her own so that I don’t have to worry so that when I’m not there, she’ll still be safe.”
“When you’re not there? Where are you going?”
Don’t start that again.”
“Bullshit, Gabriel, tell me what’s going on with you.” I refused to look at him, and he moved around to stand in front of me. “Even after all this time, you still won’t tell me? I don’t hide shit from you; you won’t even allow me to, so how is it that you get to keep whatever this is bottled up inside, and I can’t do anything about it.”
“Lancelot!” He sounded genuinely hurt, which, no, not him and not her. I’ll protect those two with my dying breath. But I can’t involve him in this. Bad enough, I plan to leave him soon; I won’t jack up his life before I go. I flung my arm around his neck and pulled him in close to kiss his temple.
“You’re not to worry about me, understood? I do the worrying for all of you; you just…live the best life you can always.” He was staring at me as if trying to read my mind, then he just shook his head and leaned it on my shoulder.
“You do know that works both ways, right?” Maybe, but I don’t deserve it.
There were lots of eyes on us, but no one dared mention our open show of affection. They hadn’t since about the seventh grade when I had to check a few of them. My eyes went to Gianna, whose smile was getting brighter by the day. Now they know that I have two under my wing that they dare not mess with.
“Are you nervous?” The plane had just landed not too long ago, and we were on our way to her grandma’s house down a very long and winding driveway. The place was amazing, and we hadn’t even seen the house yet. The grass was still relatively green for this time of year, and the ranch-style fencing that went on for miles looked pristine white against the hilly green backdrop.
There were horses everywhere, mostly off in the distance, with a few closer to the driveway. She’d been staring out the window on mute ever since we left New Hampshire, all but sitting in my lap on the plane. Even our song wasn’t enough to get her to loosen up, so in the end, I’d resorted to kissing her to distract her.
It started out as a distraction tactic alright but became so much more by the time I let her up for air. Lancelot is right; she looks at me like I’d hung the moon. That look, that hopeful innocence, was like a tear in my gut. I wanted so much to answer the questions in her eyes, to give in just a little bit more to the need that has been keeping me awake each night when she climbs into my bed.
I’m not sure how much more strength I have left in me to resist her. How much longer I can fight my own needs, but I know I won’t take advantage of her in this vulnerable state. Last night she’d been extremely restless in bed, tossing and turning, until I had to throw my leg over both of hers and hold her just a little bit closer before she’d settle down. Now her hand was tense in mine, and she seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.