“Take a break and get laid,” Mary says as she sips her coffee.
“Totally get laid,” Nina agrees.
“Do we know any homosexuals? To help him out?” Christie asks her sisters, much to my horror.
“Like, on TV? Or in real life?” Mary asks.
“Real life,” Christie says. “I think we should attempt to start local before trying to go after celebrities. Maybe by the time he’s ready, Tom Cruise will have come out.”
“He’s too old,” Mary says with a frown. “Benji needs someone younger. And far more hip.”
“I don’t know any gays,” Nina says sadly. “I must not be very hip.”
“You are very hip,” Christie reassures her. “And you do too know some gays! You know Benji here. He’s obviously a gay. And what about that lovely he-she that used to do your nails back in Seafare? What was his-her name?”
“It depended on what day it was,” Mary says. “Sometimes he was Joe Workman. Other times she was Quartina Backhand, the most dangerous woman in captivity.”
“What a lovely name that is,” Christie says. “She-males are so amazing.” “I don’t think Benji wants a lady-man,” Nina says.
“You’re probably right,” Mary says thoughtfully. “He probably wouldn’t know
what to do with him-her.”
I groan and lay my head down on my arms. “Please, just shoot me now.” The Trio laughs.
Mom rubs her hand over the back of my head. “Girls, you’re embarrassing him.
You know Benji’s a bit of a prude.”
“A bit?” Mary snorts. “He’s the biggest prude we know.”
“I am not a prude,” I snap at them, still hiding my face, knowing I’m blushing. “How come your neck is turning red?” Nina asks. “Are you hot?” “What about Carl!” Mary says excitedly. “He’s strapping and available and only
one town over.”
“We tried that already, remember?” Christie asks. “It turned out he was into
some very kinky things.”
Understatement. Over dinner, Carl told me that he was into fisting and wanted
me to wear his arm and be his puppet.
“A prude,” my mother says lovingly. “You are taking the day off today. One of
us can take the store today.”
I shake my head as I yawn. “I can’t. I’ve got two oil changes and Abe is
convinced that there’s a rattling sound under the hood of the Honda, even though
there never is. Today is busy.”
My mom sighs. “Then tomorrow.”
“I’ve got—”
“Benji,” all four women scold at once.