Into This River I Drown

“Oh.”

“Cal!”

“Benji.” He smiles, and it causes my heart to stutter. He puts the bags on the floor and takes a step toward the counter. “You’re looking at me differently,” he says with great interest.

I take a step back. “I am not,” I snap at him. “I was just worried is all. You can’t go around being like you are!”

He frowns. “How else am I supposed to be? If there’s one thing I’ve learned about human nature, is that it is imperative to be who you are.”

“You’re not human,” I say, instantly regretting my words as his face falls.

“I know,” he says, looking down at his hands.

“That’s not what I—”

“It’s okay, you know. You’re right. I’m not human. I shouldn’t be expected to act like one.” He shakes his head. “But of all people in this world, Benji, I thought it would be you who’d understand what it’s like to be different.”

Shit. I’ve hurt him. I think. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

He looks up at me again. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.” He tries to reassure me, the small smile returning, as if he hopes what he’ll say next will please me. “You know what I found today?”

“What?”

He leans onto the counter, flexing his big arms, the fabric of the shirt straining against him. “I’m pretty much bigger than anyone here,” he says confidently. He flexes again. He watches me watching him and the smile grows. “Many people told me how big I am. How strong I look.”

“Did they?” I manage to choke out.

“Yes, there was one lady who wanted me to take her to dinner. She told me to call her. I told her I don’t have a phone and she said that was okay, we could just go around back where no one could see us.”

I see red. “Did she?” I snarl, unable to stop myself. I bet it was that stupid bitch Suzie Goodman who works at the pharmacy. That fucking slut—

“No,” he says, eyes sparkling. “That was a joke. I found out today that I enjoy humor and I can tell jokes after all. It turns out I am pretty funny. Isn’t that great?”

I look

away. “Bastard,” I whisper.

“Look at me,” he says, his voice changing, becoming deeper, stronger.

I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to stop myself. He looks into my eyes and I hold my breath. “Yeah,” he finally says with surety in his voice. “You’re looking at me differently.”

Dammit.

“Why were you telling people I belong to you?”

Cal grins. “Because you do. All of you here do. I am the guardian angel of Roseland. It is my job. You all belong to me.”

“Oh,” I say, unable to stop it from sounding like I’m disappointed.

He turns away from the counter to pick up his bags. “But especially you,” he says over his shoulder as he heads for the small office in the back.

I stare after him.

I can see it in your eyes, my mother whispers in my head. Even now, there’s something there.

He will need you as much as you’ll need him, Big Eddie says.

You’re looking at me differently.