“No joking.”
“Oh, man. You should not have said that. You’re going to be so naked in like two minutes.”
“If you say so.” I sat back and waited.
To be fair, he did try very damn hard, which could have meant he wanted me really bad. Which I still didn’t quite understand. He sat there for a moment taking deep breaths in and then letting them out slowly. A look of supreme concentration came over his face, and for a brief moment, I thought he was going to make it. My mind wandered to the thought of that nipple piercing again, and I wanted to know what it would look like when it was wet. Then he shot up from the couch quickly, groaning as he did so, his face contorting in pain. He gasped when he stood upright, wrapping an arm around his side. He looked almost stricken when he glanced over at me.
“I can try it again,” he said through gritted teeth.
I shook my head as I stood. “You’re an idiot,” I told him, though there was no heat behind my words.
That didn’t stop him from flinching away. I cursed softly when I realized what I’d said. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I said. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
He nodded tightly but didn’t speak. I wanted to find everyone in the world who had ever insulted his intelligence and punch them in the face. It was a weird feeling to have.
I sighed. “C’mon. I’ll show you where the shower is. The hot water will feel good on you. I’ll get the guest room ready and you can go to bed when you’re done.”
I tried not to think of the naked man in my bathroom as I stood outside with Wheels while he did his business. “What the fuck am I doing?” I asked him softly. Wheels didn’t answer, deciding to take a shit instead. I wondered if that was answer enough.
After letting him chase a lizard for a few minutes (there’s something inherently funny about seeing my half dog going up on one wheel as he tears around in circles—it’s like he’s performing daredevil tricks!) he followed me inside and went immediately for his food bowl, acting like the little boy he was and scarfing down his kibble like it was the first time he’d eaten in years.
The shower was still running and I could hear Vince singing horribly off-key to himself. At least I knew he hadn’t fallen and died in my shower, which I was eternally grateful for. I quickly made up the guest room (and by made up, I mean I pulled the covers back on the bed and sniffed the sheets to make sure they didn’t smell like ass or dog—they didn’t).
The shower turned off and I heard a thump followed by some muffled cursing. I hovered near the bathroom door, unsure of what to do. Finally, I knocked. “You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he grumbled. “Just hit my elbow against the wall.”
“You probably shouldn’t do that.”
“Har, har.”
“Drugs wore off, huh?”
“Yeah. Sorry you couldn’t have your way with me before then.”
It was easier, for some reason, talking to him through the door. “What makes you think I didn’t?”
There was a pause. “I still have spunk in my junk,” he finally said.
“You’re like a dirty Dr. Seuss.”
“I’ll do you on the grass. I’ll do you during mass.”
“No thanks. I think I’ll take a pass.” Dammit! Stop rhyming!
He snorted. “You j
ust want a piece of my ass.”
“Wow. That’s thirty seconds of my life I’ll never get back.”
“Your fault.”
“Don’t even try to blame that one on me.”
The lock on the door clicked.
“I’m not going to try and bust in there,” I said, somewhat annoyed.