“Why doesn’t he know what he’s worth? Can’t he see he’s worth more than all the rest of us combined?”
My eyes burned and I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. My feet felt stuck to the floor. He couldn’t have been talking about me. He couldn’t have been meaning me. He’d gotten me confused with someone else. He wasn’t thinking right. He couldn’t have meant me.
“I don’t think he knows,” my mother said slowly, “because other than us, I don’t think there’s been anyone to tell him.”
“I will. I promise. I promise I will. Every day.”
“Vince?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you care for my son?”
There was no hesitation. “With my whole heart.”
“Why haven’t you told him about your parents?”
He sighed again. “I didn’t want to freak him out. I didn’t want to have to lay all my crap on him all at once. There’s something… there’s something peaceful about being near him. It calms me down. It clears my head. With him, I don’t have to worry about all the other bullshit that’s going on. I don’t have to wonder why I’m not smart enough, or why I’m not good enough. Paul doesn’t care about that stuff. I’m not smart, Matty. I know that. I say dumb stuff sometimes, and most of the time, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t even understand what Paul says half the time, but it doesn’t matter to me because it doesn’t matter to him. I think he likes me just the way I am, and I’ve never had that before. Not really. I don’t have to be anyone else but myself with Paul, and I think that’s okay with him.”
No one had ever said such things about me before, not even Sandy. I didn’t know how to take his words, because the sum of those parts made a picture of the complete faith he had in me. Or, at least that he almost had in me. He hadn’t told me about his parents.
And as if my Mom knew that I was there and knew what I was thinking, she said, “You’re going to need to tell him very soon.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “But I don’t know how to.”
“How long does she have?”
“A week. Maybe a little less.”
“Oh, sweetheart. Is she in pain?”
He sniffed. “A bit. The meds help mostly. But she’s aware. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve seen them in a long time. She’s conscious and talking, which is more than I could have asked for. That may go away soon, but at least I’m able to hear her voice while I can, even if I don’t agree with what she’s saying all the time.”
There was movement then, and I knew my mother had gone to him. It should have been me. It should have been me telling him that everything was going to be all right, whispering words of solace and peace in his ear. It should have been me, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know how.
“You’ll have to tell him, Vince,” my mom finally murmured. “You have to make sure he knows before he finds out some other way.”
“I just don’t want to drop all of this on him. I don’t want him to see this shit if he doesn’t have to. I want him to be my escape from all of it. I don’t want to have to worry when I’m with him.”
“And what happens when you can’t escape it anymore?”
“I don’t know.”
“Just… think about it, okay? And if you need to talk, you let me know. Don’t let Paul tell you that you can’t call me. He needs to get used to you and me talking, don’t you think?”
Vince laughed quietly. “How can any of this be real?” he said with bemused wonder.
Mom was quiet for a moment before answering. “Because sometimes it’s about letting go of what your mind tells you and following what your heart shows you instead. That’s how you know it will always be real.”
Chapter 13
The Lair of the Queen, An Audience With The Homo Jock King
“DARLINGS,” Helena purred when we arrived in her dressing room. “How lovely it is to see you here.”
Vince looked around in awe, as if he’d never been inside a drag queen’s sanctuary before. Then I realized he probably hadn’t, because most people are not invited into the inner lair of a queen while she prepares to greet her subjects. From how she was dressed already, it appeared she’d already taped her cock and balls, so I was at least grateful for that. I didn’t think I was ready for Vince to see my best friend turning from Sandy to Helena by grunting with his hands shoved down his spandex.
“Hi, Helena,” Vince said somewhat shyly.