I closed my eyes. Oh, fuck.
“What are you doing here?” Vince asked. “Mom, what’s going on?”
“Paul was kind enough to stop by and bring me flowers,” Lori said lightly, her skin going a little paler than it was before. She knew as well as I did that we’d been caught. “Wasn’t that just sweet of him?”
Vince pushed past me until he was standing in between me and his mother, as if he was protecting one of us from the other, though I couldn’t say which one was which. I know which one I hoped, but it immediately made me feel like an ass, so I pushed it away. This wasn’t supposed to be about me.
“How did you know she was here?” he snapped at me. He looked angry, the first time I’d ever seen it. His eyes were narrowed, nostrils flaring. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his arms tense at his side.
“I was unaware that I couldn’t have visitors,” Lori said from behind him.
“The girl from the bike store,” I told him honestly. “She mentioned your mom was sick and who your parents were. I wanted to come see her before there wasn’t a chance to. That’s all.”
“That was days ago,” he said, taking a step toward me. “Why didn’t you say anything before then?”
I was on the defensive, though I didn’t want to be. Going on the defensive meant I felt I had done something wrong, and maybe I had, but I needed to find a way to stand my ground. “Why didn’t you just tell me who your parents were?” I asked him. “Jesus, Vince. You’ve met my whole fucking family already. For fuck’s sake. You told my mom about your parents. Why wouldn’t you tell me anything about yours?”
His eyes grew wary. “She told you about that?”
“No. She didn’t. I was on my way back in to rescue you and heard you talking to her. Don’t you try and blame her for anything, Vince. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I want you to go, Paul,” he told me coldly. Somehow, his tone hurt more than his anger. He sounded like he was talking to a complete stranger.
“Vince, you need to calm down,” his mother scolded. “Paul didn’t do a damn thing wrong. If anything, this should show you how much he cares about you.”
“Vince—”
“I can’t see you right now. Please.” His voice broke as he took a step back. “You shouldn’t have come here. You shouldn’t have gone behind my back.”
“I just wanted to make sure she saw you as I do,” I said helplessly. “I didn’t know what else to do.”
He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected you to. You were right, after all. We’ve only known each other a few days. You said it over and over and I didn’t listen, so how could you possibly understand why this would hurt me?”
“The only way I’ll know is if you tell me.” I stood, rooted in my spot.
“Go away, Paul. Please.” He reached up and wiped his eyes furiously. That hurt more than I ever thought it would, to see him upset and not able to do anything about it. Worse, being the cause of it, though I didn’t understand why. “I don’t want you here.”
And that broke my trance, my reluctance. Those five simple words were enough to bring me back to my senses. I nodded at him, wondering how I could have possibly allowed him past my defenses, how I could have thought this would have worked. Being in love after days was stupid. It was foolish. It wasn’t love. It couldn’t be, not really. Love at first sight was a sweet thought, a romantic notion, but it wasn’t real. Removed from the situation, I’d see that. I’d know. I’d see clearly. He didn’t want me here to help him through whatever he was going through, and who was I to argue with him about that? He’d made himself very clear.
“I’m sorry,” I said, but not to him, to his mother. I looked over his shoulder into her wet eyes. She shook her head at me, but I ignored it. “I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I’m sorry I won’t be able to promise you anything. I wish… I wish I could have gotten to know you better. You seem like a very nice lady, and my heart breaks for your family.” I turned my gaze to Vince, just for a moment. And for you. Somehow, you’ve gotten past all my defenses and you almost made me believe. My heart breaks for you most of all.
I turned and walked away.
Chapter 17
Int
erventions: Not Just For Addicts And Hoarders Anymore
“GO AWAY,” I moaned from underneath my blanket as Sandy pounded on my bedroom door. “The light, it burns! I’m all alone and it burns.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have let you go into the bedroom!” he said through the door. “You open it right this minute or I swear to God I will break it down.”
“You weigh, like, twenty pounds,” I reminded him. “The only thing you’ll be breaking is the idea that you could break down anything. Now go away and let me wallow in my own pity. Or you could go out and buy me six boxes of Ding Dongs so that I can eat them all at once and drown myself in chocolate while I decide if I’m going to go find Christ as a monk in the Himalayas or if I’m going to turn straight.”
“I’ll buy you so many Ding Dongs,” he said soothingly. “Just open the door and we’ll go get them together. I promise. I’ll eat them with you and then we’ll go to Los Betos and I’ll buy you the biggest burrito your face has ever seen. Or if you decide to turn straight, I’ll find you so many girls and all the vagina you can eat. We may need to get you a couple of practice girls first just to make sure you’re doing it right. Or we could just go get a cantaloupe and cut it, and you can practice on that while we look up technique on the Internet.”
“You want me to perform cunnilingus on a cantaloupe? It’s like you don’t even know me at all!”