I stared at him suspiciously. “That sounds like one of those times where you say one thing but you mean something else entirely.”
He sighed. “Nothing gets by you, does it?”
“Never.”
He looked back out onto the floor below. “I made mistakes. I hurt people and told lies. It’s hard for me to have regrets over some of it because I got kids, even if we don’t talk anymore.”
That wasn’t quite true. They didn’t talk to him, and though I could almost understand their reasons, I thought it was extraordinarily unfair. He rarely mentioned his life before, the one where he was married to a woman until he couldn’t hide who he was anymore. I had complicated feelings about hiding one’s sexuality, but it wasn’t my place to say whether the decisions of others were right. Especially not to Charlie. But the fact that he was talking about it now with me was not something I took lightly. It was important. Young queers these days tended to forget the sacrifices of those who came before us, who helped give us everything we had today. While we still had to fight, we weren’t the ones who threw the first brick.
“I wasted a lot of time,” he continued. “And that’s no one’s fault but my own. I wish… I wish things had been different. How, I don’t know, but I do. The only thing I can do is be thankful for all the things I have now and all the people I’ve met along the way who’ve helped me become a better man.” He smiled quietly. It transformed his craggy, wrinkled face into something soft. I wanted to kiss it over and over again. “Vaguyna. Sandy. Paul. Vince and Darren. You, of course.”
“And Robert,” I said, teasing him because he needed to hear it.
“And Robert,” he agreed. “I told you how we met.”
I snorted. “Getting your prostate checked. So romantic.”
“Kid, when you get to be my age, that’s probably the most action you’re ever going to get.”
I choked.
He hit my back a few times until I managed to breathe on my own. “He was sitting in the waiting room with me, and I wasn’t staring, no matter what he might tell you. Going to the doctor is never fun, but when you’re old, it’s one of those things you gotta do to make sure everything is still in working order.”
“And it is,” I said quickly. “Right?”
“Yes,” he said, sounding grumpy. “I told all of you not to worry.”
“That’s not going to happen anytime soon. If we have to continue to go with you to your appointments, we will.”
“Good to know,” Charlie said. “There I was, ignoring the only other man in the room with me because I was hoping I’d douched well enough for—”
I winced. “Yeah, I don’t need every detail. More lovey stuff, less preparation stuff.”
“The doctor was running late—of course he was, doctors never do anything on time—and I was thinking about taking a nap—”
“In public?” I asked, scandalized.
“Just wait,” he said. “One day you’re going to find out that naps are the best thing in the wor
ld. Anyway, I was about to close my eyes when he asked if the doctor was good with his hands.”
I gaped at him.
He shrugged. “I told him I didn’t have any complaints. And he had this look on his face, like he knew exactly what he’d just said and was trying to gauge my reaction. ‘An old leather bear like you, I bet you don’t,’ he said.”
“So romantic,” I breathed.
“I was going to go back to my nap when he decided that we were sitting too far apart. An entire waiting room empty, and he needed to sit in the chair right next to mine. I glared at him, but he ignored me.”
“Sounds like he had you figured out right away. All crusty on the outside but marshmallowy on the inside.”
Charlie scowled. “I’m crusty on the inside too.”
I grinned at him. “Of course you are.”
“And he just started talking, and I remember thinking who the hell is this guy? He had a cane and was wearing a damn three-piece suit to the doctor’s office. And his tie matched the kerchief in the front pocket. Same color and shit.”
“Oh, the horror!” I cried. “Such madness!”