I swiveled in my chair to see Kori lying flat on her back on the couch, homework scattered on the floor, Vince stretched out on top of her, his considerable bulk trapping her.
“Shh,” Vince was saying, reaching up blindly to pet Kori’s face. “Shh.”
“What the fuck,” Kori muttered but made no move to push him off. “Why are you the way you are?”
“I am pretty special,” Vince agreed. “Paul tells me that all the time.”
Kori turned her head to glare at me. “This is all your fault.”
I rolled my eyes. “I notice how you’re not exactly fighting him off.”
“He’s warm.”
“That’s because I’m like sunshine,” Vince said cheerfully. “That’s also what Paul tells me.”
“Jesus, you guys are so gross,” Kori moaned. “I didn’t ask for any of this, just so you—I didn’t say you could move.” She reached up and pulled Vince back down when he tried to sit up.
“People like it when I lay on them,” Vince told me.
“Usually, it’s for another reason entirely,” I said. “So you better not be lying on other people.”
“Hey,” Kori said. “What about me? Aren’t you just seething with jealousy right now? Your man is all up in my business.”
“I like you like I would if I had a little sister,” Vince said seriously. “Except when you’re boy Corey, and then it’s like you’re my little brother.”
Kori gaped up at him before looking at me. “You’re lucky you’re locking this shit down when you are. How has he not been eaten alive?”
I shrugged. “A combination of mitigating circumstances, dumb luck, and the fact that he’s oblivious to most things.”
“I often don’t know what’s going on,” Vince announced. “It’s cool. I’m used to it. This one time, I was at a frat party and everyone wanted to go skinny-dipping, so I took off my pants and jumped in the pool. For some reason, everyone else didn’t get naked but just watched me swim instead.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Kori asked.
“Dunno,” Vince said. “I just like swimming naked, I guess.”
“Okay,” Kori said. “You need to get off me now. Paul’s getting that look on his face he gets when he’s thinking about doing the nasty with you. I do not want him to come over here and sit on me too and eat on your face. There is only so much of your bullshit I can take today, and between you two and the dicks in the kitchen, my limit is about to be reached.”
I scowled at Kori. “I am not getting that look.”
“Sex face,” Vince said smugly. “I make him make that face.”
“Off,” Kori grunted, shoving at Vince. “Off, off, off.”
“Are you bitches just lying here?” Sandy demanded as he walked into the living room, Darren trailing behind him looking cool and aloof like a Homo Jock King should. But I wasn’t fooled by him anymore, not with the way his hair was mussed like he’d had someone running their fingers through it. Nor by the way there were these little cracks in his façade of douchedom when he looked at my best friend, his expression soft and sweet. It was really rather disconcerting to see it, but I was getting used to it. “We have so much work to do!”
Vince hoisted himself off Kori and stood next to the couch. “When I left the kitchen, Darren’s hands were on your ass and you were talking about his chin.”
Sandy blinked. Then, “Oh. Well. I have a nice ass and he has a nice chin.”
“Gross,” Kori groaned again.
“We should get moving,” Darren said, sounding bored. “It’s not like I have all day.”
Sandy snorted. “Yeah, because you have so much else going on, bae. Stop acting like an ass because we all know you want nothing more than to take your brother out to get fitted for his suit for the wedding.”
“I don’t see why you get to go,” Darren said. “I’m his best man. You didn’t let me go when Paul got his suit.”
“I’m going,” Sandy said, voice sticky-sweet, “because you two dude-bros cannot be trusted to pick out something that I would consider appropriate. This isn’t your ten-year frat reunion, Dare. You’re not allowed to show up in cargo shorts, a backward baseball cap, a soul patch on your chin, and an undeserved sense of accomplishment. This wedding will be perfect, it will go off without a hitch, and everyone will look as good as they possibly can because I dressed them. Do we understand each other?”