“Sandy.”
“Sloppy bros.”
“I hate you so fucking much.”
“Liar,” he said fondly. Then his eyes narrowed. “Speaking of Charlie, did I tell you I couldn’t find out a damn thing about his secret boo? He’s being extremely tight-lipped about the whole thing, which is annoying as shit. I am going to break him, or my name isn’t Sword.”
“We’ll meet him at the wedding, right? And Daddy already made me promise that we’ll go easy on him.”
Sandy stared at me.
“I promised him no such thing,” I assured him. “It’s Daddy. We have to make sure he’s in good hands.”
“Damn right. I haven’t gotten to threaten someone in a very long time.”
“Uh, you threatened me this morning when I told you we didn’t have time to stop at Starbucks.”
“Oh, please. That didn’t count.”
“You threatened Corey with death if he didn’t let you sit in the front seat.”
“I’m a queen. I always get to sit in the front.”
“You told me that you threatened Darren this morning that if he didn’t give you a blowjob before you left, that you would, and I quote, ‘fuck your shit up, motherfucker, now choke on my dick and don’t forget to tug on my balls.’”
“I’m very forthright with what I want.”
“I adore you.”
“You should.”
“I feel better.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah.”
“This is a happy fucking time, baby doll,” he said, eyes bright. “We should be celebrating. We will be celebrating. And all of this?” He nodded toward the gazebo. “This is what waits for you at the end of that celebration. This… it’s gonna be good, Paul. I promise you. It’s gonna be so good. You’ll see.” He hooked his arm in mine again. “Now, should we go rescue poor Sophia? I’m sure Corey has already discussed the broses and daffodudes to death.”
“Yeah. Sounds good. By the way, if you guys don’t stop talking bro, I’m kicking you out of the fucking wedding, so help me God.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Watch me.”
He tilted his head back and laughed and laughed and laughed.
Chapter Five: The Bachelor Party
March 19, 2016
T-Minus 7 days
I AWOKE to the smell of bacon.
I didn’t think there was a better smell to wake up to.
I loved bacon.