Nope. Not even happening.
Darren, for his part, didn’t look any more excited to be sitting next to me, but I thought more of his consternation was directed toward Octavius, who apparently felt it was appropriate to suck on Darren’s ear and practically sit in his lap.
I almost felt bad for Darren, simply because Octavius was obviously trashy, but since I didn’t care about Darren in the slightest, I moved on from that rather quickly.
I was also still rather drunk, which, honestly, probably wasn’t the best situation with the company I was in.
“I don’t even care about your man hands,” I hissed at him.
“What?” he said, eyes narrowing.
“Corey,” I said, ignoring Darren. “This frittata is passable. Well done.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“Not as good as mine, of course,” I added, because it needed to be said.
“Of course,” he said, smiling sweetly. “If only you’d been awake in time to make it, we’d be having yours instead of mine.”
“That’s probably my fault,” Brian said. “I kept him up most of the night.”
“Oh?” Larry asked. “Well, if you’re going to be Sandy’s boyfriend, we’re probably going to need to sit down and have a talk about things like your intentions with him and if you have a 401(k) or Roth IRA. I’ve never been in a relationship with a drag queen before, but I assume it’s probably expensive.”
“Very expensive,” I said.
“Dad,” Paul groaned. “For fuck’s sake.”
“Language,” he scolded. “There’s no need for that. It was a simple question.”
“Larry,” Matty said. “Sandy said they were just sex friends. Maybe it’s a little soon to them to be talking about being boyfriends.”
“Soon?” Larry said, sounding dubious. “So they can do anal but they can’t have a talk about feelings? That seems backward if you ask me.”
I choked on a sausage.
“Kids do things differently these days,” Matty said. “They don’t fall in love and get married as quickly as we did.”
“Paul and Vince did,” Larry said. “They were just like us.”
“A fact that I have to live with for the rest of my days,” Paul said. “And we’re not married, either.”
“Why not?” Larry demanded. “You’re not getting any younger. In fact, you’re getting older every day. One step closer to death. I need grandchildren to spoil, Paul. My biological clock is ticking. I can feel it in my loins.”
“It really is,” Matty said. “Every time he sees grandparents with their grandchildren, I swear he starts salivating.”
“You like it when I salivate.” Larry waggled his eyebrows.
“Oh, Mr. Auster.” Matty giggled.
“So gross,” Paul muttered.
“Kids?” Vince said, looking rather pale. “You want kids?”
“Uh, maybe?” Paul said. “Or not. I don’t know. I think I want new luggage more.”
“We can have kids if you want,” Vince choked out.
Paul looked strangely amused. “Maybe if you can say that without looking like you’re going to vomit.”