“Probably,” Matty said. “Because I don’t have a hairy chest yet.”
“Weird,” Larry said. “Apparently, I’m not okay with you having hairy armpits, but I’d be fine with a hairy chest. Why is that? Is that my own freak flag flying?”
“Why were you making out with women?” Darren asked his mom.
“I didn’t make out with them,” Sherry said. “Okay, well I did. And so much more.”
“Boom,” Kori said, high-fiving Sherry.
Darren made a sound like a gazelle getting attacked by a lion.
Everyone stopped talking and stared at him.
Darren clapped his hand over his mouth and blushed brightly.
“What the hell was that?” Charlie finally asked.
“I didn’t know men could make noises like that,” Nana said.
“I didn’t know humans could make noises like that,” Matty said.
“He always did make the strangest sounds when he was a kid,” Sherry said fondly. “Once, for like a whole month, he walked around trying to make dolphin noises because he’d heard it on a show on TV.”
“He must have been so sweet when he was little,” Kori said. “I wonder what changed.”
“Actually, this happened when he was seventeen,” Sherry said.
“There it is,” Paul said. “And actually, that makes so much more sense now.”
“Bro,” Vince said to Darren. “You’ve been holding out? Why didn’t you tell me you could make dolphin noises?”
And naturally, I had to go and ruin it all with feelings.
“Oh my fucking god,” I blurted out. “I love you so goddamn much.”
The room went silent again as everyone started gaping.
Darren dropped his hand. He opened and closed his mouth. Repeatedly.
It stretched on for a good minute or two.
And then he tackled me.
“Ow, you fucking assbag,” I said, staring up at him.
“Did you mean it?” he demanded.
“Oh no,” Paul groaned. “They’re going to be so gross now.”
“Um, yes?” I said, grimacing slightly.
“Say it again.”
“This is even worse than I thought it would be,” Paul wailed.
“Do I have to?”
“Sandy!”